My Moment

fleeting smiles of a loner

It flirts with seconds

But what is eternity

Before heartbeats that flute

With vagabond joy?

 

I twirl like a dervish

In shadow neons and regret wine

Till that moment comes to unfold

A whole new cosmos

Of silence and roaring dreams

Blurred into an elusive unity

Of the flesh and soul.

 

It flutters for seconds

But it‘s those seconds only

This loner’s smiles are made of.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

In my rudderless life,often my mind drifts off to a chimerical state of perfection which lasts for a really short time.....I sincerely cherish those moments.

I am explaining my thoughts below.I would like to know if my words delivered them right.Critique as harshly as you can.

first stanza says that even eternity can't compare to fleeting moments of joy.heartbeats denote the transience as well as the feeling of excitement.the 2nd stanza deals with how the insomniac tosses and turns around in the darkness,wrapped up in his regrets till suddenly as if in auto mode,his mind drifts off to that dimension where he feels content,complete and absolutely happy.last stanza says a loner's happiness is strictly ephemeral.

So there you go.What do you think?

Reviews

[Balkaran Sidhu]

This is pretty much how i feel sometimes...thank you for this piece...great job..

[Transience]

thanks...

[Dean]

I think it is because the "fleeting moments" have eternity contained in them.

[Transience]

of course...eternity is such a nebulous concept.

[...]

. well, i'd say you expressed all that you set out to express in infinitely poetic terms ... philosophically speaking, my perspective is a bit different ... i think that all smiles of all loners are not made of the same dough ... but i could be wrong ... to err is human :P ...

[Transience]

your philosophy,dear me,is something i would love to delve in deep.i read your masterpiece RELIGIOUS SONG and was just spellbound.didn't comment because every praise of mine would look diminutive only.it did feel like an epic dealing beautifully the abstract intricacies of life.the saint and child,an excellent choice i may add,together create an intense picture.it's like that delicacy you have to slowly eat to savor its real taste.these lines are my favorite-
the slaves of time and mind mutilate - said the child
- the meaning of freedom tossed by them flippantly -
- it is horrifying that they hang themselves with their own ropes -
- there is terror in my senses, twisting my insides till i am injured and numb -
- and yet my tale is not of misfortune - or a melancholic mystery -
- i have dreams that make me deleriously delve into delight -
- never wanting to bid them adieu or trim them or clip them -

so i look forward to know your perspectives,provided you share them with this bipolar person:D

[...]

. oh my god :P :P :P ... i must disconnect from this infinitely humbling praise asap :P :P :P ... but seriously ... thank you so much for reading that post but i really can't take credit for that piece ... my model for understanding poetry is here ... http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/wavesofglass/975629/ ... if you read this piece, you'll see that a "poet" is simply the one who transcribes "the message" ... so, "the message" of my piece actually originated in the consciousness of several people ... i was drawn to "the message" because of personal experiences ... "the message" gave me the solace i needed and i am grateful for that to all the people who helped me out during a very difficult time in my life ... i don't really have a well-defined philosophy as such ... my perspectives often change ... (i think they evolve but who knows :P) ... as for the piece you wrote, i think (as of now) that loneliness is experienced differently by different people ... but again i could be wrong ... it's possible that there is an underlying (universal) theme in loneliness that i haven't been able to notice / comprehend / process ... to err is human and i err quite a bit :P ...

[...]

. huh ? :P ... wait ... i'll email you ... else this thread will become an ode to verbosity :P ...

[Transience]

oopsies...........

[Transience]

seriously me,i wasn't flattering you....that didn't enchant me as a poem,but the underlying thought did..regretting the omnipresence of evils congealing on hearts yet the expected depreciation doesn't follow...bittersweet amalgamation of despair and hope...forced me to think deeply .....i've been bending morals to my own comfort...i contort them with impunity,yet eagerly mark the peccadilloes of others-disgustingly hypocritical...often single myself as the sufferer then wallow in self pity...your stuff was like a bucket of arctic water emptied right on my head-we ourselves account for our course of life..victim or self destructing,can always find what should be found...evoking stuff,that's what i was saying....i read your muse/inspiration...sadly couldn't interpret it...beyond me...will you explain it to me please?saw your review but still failed to grasp.......