Modern crisis.

straight out of writers block. bit shite and i don't think i conveyed the message properly. political poetry is very very new to me.

The crisis of today, the thought of tomorrow.

The generation of today, live a future in sorrow.

 

Working to the bone towards a tasteless success.

Achieving a diploma, in stagnant progress.

 

What has happened to this world? Bring forth our investments.

Bring forth the seed we planted, not the farmers resentment.

 

I questions the morals, have we really thought this through?

Or do THEY not give a damn about me and you.

 

Do THEY echo lies in the hallowed halls of truth?

Do THEY make it rain on a house with no roof?

 

Do THEY feed gasoline, to an ever growing flame?

Or are THEY a crutch, an excuse for us to blame.

Author's Note

really tried with flow on this one. feedback on that would be greatly appreciated also, tell me if i digressed from the subject matter in anyway.

Reviews

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Nice. social commentry with the most unpretentious accessible approach. to be able to say so much in such a small poem is a true skill. Your mind is so preciously precocious!

[Charlotte Haran]

Total prediction of my future right there hahaha. Nice to see you doing something that actually has a deeper meaning rather than me just making one up to find out it's about mortal combat or something! You should keep writing pieces like this.

[Baby Ricochet]

One of the cool things about your poems is they come across older than you are. Definitely not a typical teenage rant. There's more intelligence in them than that. Christ some of my stuff is more immature than yours and I'm in my thirties.

[nigrum homonculus]

thank you. that really did mean a lot. most of my poems are about video games haha so i doubt they are that mature.

[afra]

beautiful......the flow is amazing and the rhyming was perfect ...good job

[nigrum homonculus]

thank you afra :)

[Celestial Witch Child]

Working to the bone towards a tasteless success... Love it. Remove the comma, though- it doesn't need it. (:

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks! what comma do you want me to remove?

[Celestial Witch Child]

the one in the line I mentioned

[nigrum homonculus]

oh yeah ok thanks.

[kayla]

Wow. I think that this is great. Great concept, theme, and flow. I loved reading it(:

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks kayla. glad you enjoyed it.

[Wild Willow Blue]

I don't see a problem with your flow at all. But I do think that, even though you are expressing thoughts on one subject, towards the middle it kind of feels like two different pieces of poetry. The subject is very clear here, and you do not digress from it... other than how I mentioned. I think it is a very well written and well thought out piece. Nice job!

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks for that! can you explain what you meant towards the middle of the poem?

[Wild Willow Blue]

I mean, literally, the middle. Between the lines, "Bring forth the seed we planted, not the farmers resentment," and "I questions the morals, have we really thought this through?" The subject is clear, and you're obviously speaking about one thing here. I think it's just in the way it's written. To me, it feels like you are going into a separate piece of poetry there. Don't get me wrong when I say that, though, this is very good.

[Owlgirl]

Wow! Great job! The flow is smooth, though try to take a look at the fourth line ending with stagnant process and play around with the number of syllables on it a little more. Though, the little bump in the flow doesn't really detract from the awesomess of your poem, so it's up to you and a personal choice. Other than that I loved it and it is exceptionally well written! Well done!

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks! yeah at that time my brain went walkies. i'll brush up on it soon. again thank you for the review

[Fréyjä Helv..]

There are a few grammatical errors, you might wanna review a bit... But apart from that, the contents and flow of the poem is well done. Pointing out present issues makes this interesting to read, and the rhymes just adds so much passion to it... Good work...

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks. i'll jump on the editing soon.

[Michael G.]

(Bob Dylan read this and walked away humming.) Well written.


At least, it looked like Dylan...

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks michael! yooooooooou lost me there....

[Michael G.]

Just paying you a high compliment. Your words sounded like something Bob Dylan would sing.

[Michael G.]

[nigrum homonculus]

oh snap! thank you! that actually means alot.