WHERE THE RAIN LIVES

edit WITH punctuation

Yet again the rain.
Once again
washing the colour from the day.
Wet and liquid grey
clouds  obliterating the sun,
preventing full daylight from
reaching this streaming place.
Until, an early dreary evening
when, with curtains closed
drum-rolls against the window
as passing flurries of wind
throw volleys at the glass
here where the rain lives.

  By Phil Roberts

                                      

Reviews

[Responsive Web Design H..]

Nice. Simple. I love the topic. Punctuation would help it read.

[Phil Roberts]

thanks, Frankee. I know you're right about the punctuation and it's been mentioned before. It's just how I've got used to writing, largely because I've written a lot as song lyrics. I should get my lazy head round it :/

[Responsive Web Design Hamilton]

Yeah it's much easier for the person who can hear the music!
If you put in punctuation, I'll come back and read again, if you like.

[Phil Roberts]

cool.....but I'm not sure when. I'll let you know, if that's ok :)

[Phil Roberts]

here goes.....

[Phil Roberts]

I'm glad u suggested the rewrite. I got a better poem out of it :D

[Responsive Web Design Hamilton]

I agree. and easier to read. Now there is a significant stress on "Reaching' (because no comma after 'from'). Is that done all a-purpose? I like it. I like the whole poem more. But I liked it before, too :)

[Phil Roberts]

thanks for taking the time :)