Sigh

What regrets do you carry..?

--------

Staring at still the fresh paint of a beautiful masterpiece old

Pouring down the taut skin tears cold

Counting stars on a gloomy night

I sigh...

 

Remembering the ritual unimaginable

Trying to worship alone our God unexplainable

Dancing in the rain so beautiful

I sigh...

 

Turning back at the closed doors

Thinking of a way to settle the scores

Gazing at the passing clouds

I sigh...

 

Holding tightly the Healing crystal in my hand

Feet trembling unable to stand

Crawling up a cliff to watch the sun rise

I sigh...

 

Wandering what could've been

Knowing what should've been

Looking at the setting sun... now

I sigh...

----

Picture courtesy: http://nativetongue.deviantart.com/art/The-dead-tree-5912443

Reviews

[Aethereal]

You expressed the mood of this picture from top to bottom. I was inspire to write my own rendition of your beautiful first verse as a gift poem for you to keep as your own. What I did here was write according to a 1/0/1/0/1 ….> meter whereby a non-accent follows an accent on each line all the way to the final accent: It reads somewhat like a song in this way:

Staring at the still fresh paint of an old masterpiece with its sad stranglehold
pouring down of taut skin tears like those blue cold
leering stars enumerated on a gloomy night,
woefully I sighed …

[Tan-90]

Many many thanks for your comment. As always with a new learning point and my favourite-a gift poem! I really appreciate it.

[Aethereal]

You're welcome! That gift-poem was a joy to write. I had to use most of your words and concepts, but arranged in a different way to make it flow better; that is to flow more in line with natural language.

[Tan-90]

I sometimes disregard the flow, or introduce sudden discontinuity as means of communicating my emotional turmoil to the reader- But the way you have streamlined my thoughts in the gift poem, does just that but in a more polished way. I have so much to learn. :)

[Aethereal]

All I did was follow some old tested Classical principles that where discover through trial and error by other poets over the millennia. Use natural language, never force a rhyme, and keep a metered rhythm. Music, Mathematics, Oratory, and Poetry have much in common. Above all else, remember to apply Occam’s razor.

[Tan-90]

Will do! :) Many thanks.

[Aethereal]

Follow the Masters!

[Sami Khalil]

I also like the repeated phrases.

[Bright Ocean Star]

I love this! So many regrets and so many sighs come inexplicable from a very deep place with no forethought or design...There are some things that cannot be undone or taken back and all you can do is look wistfully on with a heavy heart. Beautiful structure and beautiful words...

[Tan-90]

Precisely, "some things that cannot be undone or taken back and all you can do is look wistfully on with a heavy heart.." many thanks for your comments :)

[Ana B.]

There is something about a repetition at each stanza....makes the poem special, its a very beautiful one, the philosophycal sigh its something i trully understand, nobody can avoid it sometimes....

[Tan-90]

I am glad the poem spoke to you.. many thanks for your comment :)

[Sami Khalil]

Gazing at the passing clouds, I saw this masterpiece pouring rain and beauty. At the healing crystal I got healed...:)................

[Tan-90]

Sami, you are a such a maestro with words :)

[Sami Khalil]

You too. You are welcome...:)................

[Tan-90]

Thanks :))))))

[Sami Khalil]

:)..........................