Echos

The echo of time keep resounding
Filling my ears of what could have been
Telling me how foolishly immature, I was back then

Thought consume ravaging the mind
Echoing emotions that were of yesterday
"Never should have left, should have wanted to stay"

Cumbersome thoughts floating
Lingering around within the brain
Echoing the travesty in the heart that does remain

The echo flushes out love
Raising in volume to never give up
Shouting in earnest, be patient wait on love's golden cup

Don't surrender till the end
The echo yelling in the sensitive ear
"Put those swords up, don't give into fear"

Battle for love and fate
Keep defending  the front line
Mind echoing, "Claim what belongs only to thine"

Author's Note

flush, cumbersome, echo, travesty, ravage are the words I had to incorporate into this poem. This was a bit of a challenge for me. I started working on this poem yesterday.

Reviews

[Belator Books]

A courageous piece of admitting weakness and failing and striving onward toward a better tomorrow. A human plight and shared by all.

You, like me, tend to put commas in the wrong places. The first stanza's last line holds one just past immature. Then twice more your commas should be made into semi-colons, or simply erased:

"Never should have left, should have wanted to stay"
And
"Put those swords up, don't give into fear"

[Subjective Sanity]

It is very well written. It has a lot of emotion in it. I certainly related to the first half. Haven't quite grasped the second yet. More power to you as a woman and a poet. Bravo.

[Bette]

this is great p.b!

[MissWordSmith]

not bad at all!!! i haven't started my poem.