On The Surface

Standing quietly in a crowded room,
Smiling broadly, taking in the scene,
Wide eyes of an emerald green.

Portraying happiness with a smile,
Talking with everyone that she knows,
Listening to the band at the show.

Metal horns thrown into the air,
head banging to the thrashing beat,
But she doesn't feel whole, complete.

Enjoying having a night out,
But get closer, look deeper still,
No sparkle in her eyes, does there fill.

Void of soulful delight are her eyes,
Only surface enjoyment and glee,
For standing next to her, he use to be.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This feels like a round-about way to reveal that this woman in a club scene is really missing her guy. I didn't think this message would end up so specific -- being about missing someone. As I read most of your poem, I felt it could've been anyone in a crowded room acting happy but feeling unhappy. This is such a universal observation. Then the last line narrows the focus dramatically. I'm not sure I like this, becuz I usually prefer an open-ended message that can be interpreted more than one way. But this ending is interesting & relatable too - first few times going out & no longer being part of "a couple" can be hard for lots of people (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Poetic Beauty]

It’s been 13 years and I still miss him everyday. We are friends now but he lives across the country from me.

[Dream Weaver]

How sad to have a night out and not
enjoy yourself because of a missing
piece...

[Sean M. Addams]

awesome job on this ..very deep and well expressed... overall I liked this alot and thought the emotions in this were really complex and rhyme was good too... nice work!!

[Forever Mine]

You can appear to be the happiest person in the world doing what you love, but on the inside your the complete opposite. This is an all to common scenerio. this was very nice

[HorrorMaster]

Very good

[The Analog Kid]

The rhymes wrok well. You tell a story of a woman with a void. Nicely told. What's below the surface....

[The Water Queen]

you can feel the loneliness that the woman feels. And its hard not to want to give her a hug and say everything will be ok.

[Jenny Nelson]

Very sad. Nothing more lonely than being lonely in a room full of people. It happens and you described it quite well.

[David W Moore III]

Ahhh, lonely in a crowd she is... But in the void he occupied, something will fill. It is the law of physics. Time may dialate and seem like forever before it fills, but know that it will.

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard sometime to be content. I would stay away from the regular stomping when trying to escape sadness. A very good story. Better to smile then to cry in disappointment. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Robin]

the heart shaded in the 'missing'