MIDNIGHT MEMORIES

written like a journal entry or letter. True story either way.

In the midnight hours, I think of you.  I give myself permission to let my mind wonder back to a time that seems like yesterday and an eon ago at the same time.  Those moments are embedded inside my brain with HD perfect quality; displaying an array of vibrant scenes in my mind.

Life was different then. It was easier, yet in reality, it was more chaotic and stressful.  The only difference was I had you to lean on.  Through the adventurous moments to the family trials, you were there.  The laughter seemed abundant and the tears dried up quickly.  We were in it together.

One messed up decision and four years later, I sit here alone, only letting myself think of you in the nocturnal hours of silence.  When the world is quiet and I am strong enough to play the colorful movie of it all in my mind, without tears.  Only when I can smile and say it was an amazing time.

Tonight, however, I am letting go.  I am saying the ache has passed and the weight has been lifted.  There is a place deep inside where I still love you, but is distant, different.  I yearn, no more, for what will never be, and I am able to move on and feel again with feathery light steps.  The chains of love on my heart have been removed and I am saying this to you.  “I don’t need you anymore.  I once couldn’t breathe without knowing you were in my life whether it be a friend or a lover, but now I know it is possible to not only breathe, but to live.”

I don’t know if we will talk or text again.  I know that I don’t want to see you, for it would only make my heart cry for things that will never be. 

See, I am allowing myself to move on in a new creative direction.  I am the writer of my life and can take it in any direction I want, and for so long I let the thought of you; the love for you, be the director.  With these words know that you will never be forgotten and those moments will remain until the end of my days.  I am saying I shall cherish what was once there and recognize it as another life and another time. 

Our moment has come and gone with the words I love you, but I am leaving you.  Those words I can never take back, but I have forgiven myself for that mistake.  I have accepted the things that I can not change.  I am saying I love you but I am leaving you as a thought in the quiet moments of the night. 

Reviews

[Ladysue]

I am so glad I didn't miss this piece...this was so sad, bittersweet really. powerful, genuine and full of memories that now have found their place within...where they the heart can cherish them but not hurt the way it did and letting go happens...this was very moving and so beautifully expressed...I think anyone who has loved and lost can relate to this piece...

[Ice QueenJen]

Although this was a sad writing; I think it was just what I needed to read. We can't change what has been done, but we can change our future as you so aptly put it - you are the writer of your life! I think this was a brilliant writing and as you embark on a new creative direction I hope that happiness comes your way!

[emmajoy]

A sad, sad piece of writing, yet gradually moving into hope and a will to survive. Some of the phrases you use are like self exorcism, you know the worst, you know it'll be painful but you'll be rid of it, “I don’t need you anymore. I once couldn’t breathe without knowing you were in my life whether it be a friend or a lover, but now I know it is possible to not only breathe, but to live.”
Many people have gone through this .. few could write as superbly as you in showing both the beauty and aching greyness of a relationship.
That final sentence is a heart full of tears, ' I am saying I love you but I am leaving you as a thought in the quiet moments of the night.'

[.]

this is from a place of peace and deep with the heart..poured onto the paper...indeed you do write your life..write yourself an epic..

[Coyote Poetry]

"When the world is quiet and I am strong enough to play the colorful movie of it all in my mind, without tears. Only when I can smile and say it was an amazing time."
The past can bring peace and sadness. I believe we need both to find a balance. I like the description and logic in your words. A very strong ending to a excellent story.
Coyote

[OT]

oh so well written! I am always anxious reading stories on here as I have an irritating grammar eye and so many stories around I can't get through the first paragraph - it's easier with poetry but with stories I like to see structure for me to get into the words and I can do that with you - I got into the story - the letting go - sometimes it's the best thing to do - or the only thing to do in the situation - bittersweet for sure - to embrace other things and better things sometimes you have to leave certain things/people behind - sad but needed - I could hear Adele belting "someone like you" over this haha!! bravo! nice!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I found this piece to be very powerful and moving, completing feeling and understanding the writer's thought process, completely. Your choice of words (esp adjectives) are as priceless and as beautiful as ever, as always... yet the voice felt strong, as if it could conquer anything now that it's come to realize, hey! I can make my own story the way I'd like. The end was perfect and the story was magical, and I thank you for sharing. :)

[Tina Kline]

Reads like a letter written to someone that is never meant to actually be sent. A kind of letting go and finding some relief. I think you did a great job on this.

[Kasey Klein]

The idea of failed expectations comes to mind. So often need is mistaken for love. What love is, I cannot say. I'm leaning more toward love being a choice, acceptance, being happy with who and what another person is.

Impermanence is a b***h, leaving us in the dark of night to deny what we felt at one time.

[Jim Parson]

I think everyone knows the regret of one mistake that changed a life, but few could explain it the way you have here. Moving on is never an easy thing to do, but saying it is always the first step. Well done.