A whole new ball game.

poem

 

 

 

A whole new ball game.

 

The time had come for me to go and leave the world of work behind

I was not sure, did not know how I would occupy my mind

To fill the long hours of the day. I knew some things I’d like to try.

But work had left small time for play and now there s was no reason why.

 

My times my own an I am free to try my hand at something new

 from pottery to poetry and that is what I mean to do.

It may seem strange but now I find there are too few hours in the day.

To do the things I have in mind. I look at life a different way.

 

Retirement wrought a change in me I do the thing I want to do

I have no one to please but me. Something you can look forward to.

When you too leave the world of work behind. You’ll be too busy to regret.

The years you spent as a wage slave you’ll be quite happy to forget.

 

19-Jul-08

 

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Oh, what a lovely sentiment about retirement! If and when I ever get to retire, I'm going to be a professional poet! :-) As with the last poem I reviewed, I reiterate my sentiments about punctuation - this is wonderful, but it feels a little fragmented and choppy. Some commas here and there would really help it to flow! The last few lines of the poem make this the most obvious: you've made a dependent clause its own sentence ("When you too leave the world of work behind"), which to an English major, is something close to blasphemy. Having the line, "you'll be too busy to regret." as its own sentence is also a little puzzling because it so naturally continues onto the next line. Why not stick a comma there instead?

Two other little things I noticed were the space between "there" and a random, free-floating "s" in the line "there s no reason why." I believe you need either an apostrophe or an "i" there. Also, in the line "my times my own" you need an apostrophe between "time" and the "s" because you mean "my time IS my own" and the plural form of "time" all by itself doesn't quite get that message across.

Well done, though - another entertaining and well-crafted read!

[Donald Meikle]

Well you've got the poetry working well
At least for me I think it's swell
Mayhap I'll win the lottery
And then have time for pottery