Access Denied

narrative verse

 

Access denied. 2009

 

Ofttimes enwrapt in reverie

I have a distant memory

 but I cannot be sure it’s true

Of my mother who I barely knew.

 

She died so very long ago.

There is so much I do not know

I only know what I’ve been told

 and that recedes as I grow old.

 

Although I try I can’t recall

 her face: bring it to mind at all.

I feel I should be able to

but there is nothing I can do.

 

Sometimes I wake to find I’ve wept.

But I can do nothing but accept.

That time’s erased the memory

of the face I long to see.

 

Some faded photographs remain

which I look at, try to regain.

The memories I have repressed

It may be that it’s for best.

 

I was so young when mother died.

My wants and needs were satisfied.

By father and the family

 and I grew up quite happily.

 

 

Would mother have been proud of me?

 I she’d lived long enough to see.

 The man her little boy grew into.

My mother who I barely knew.

 

Then I remember guiltily

 my mother lost much more than me.

The grandchildren she’d never know

 the chance to see her children grow.

 

But I still pursue selfishly

that one elusive memory.

That’s buried somewhere deep inside

A need that can’t be satisfied.

 

Perhaps because I’m growing old

and only have what I was told

 to remember mother by.

I know I’ll fail but I still try.

 

24/07/2009

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ama May Cooper]

This piece is filled with deep emotions and you cna almost feel yoru struggle as written down.
It made me somewhat happy to see it written so beautifully but it brings tears to my eyes reading of the mental turmoil it has caused you.
A heart wrenching tale , tht none can say was not perfect in so many ways. Great wonderful rhyming style and none of it felt forced at all . Beautiful

[Rhine Wolf]

you made me smile, you made me cry, all i have left to do is sigh!

this was a heart wrenching poem, it moved me to my core! to try and find the one elusive memory, knowing that you will fail but try never the less. adding to the words is how wonderfully it flowed to me it was pitch perfect!!

blessed be,
Fallon

[The Flawed]

I do like this poem, its well written and stirs up emotions in me as I lost my father a long time ago and .......... anyway its really good

[Marie Anzalone]

This was a quietly honest piece, that explores a range of complex emotions and does it with great style. It is difficult to speculate on what someone close to one, like a mother, would have thought of the person he became as she watched him grow, when she is lost to him so young. The questions you ask are, I feel, the same questions that almost anyone in this situation could not help but wonder. There is no need to feel guilty about longing for something so elemental as a mother's love and guidance. Thank you for the courage to write about this.

[dark and twisty]

so filled with longing for what is lost...can really relate to it...the words, the tone really reached out to me..