Farewell Performance for M lady Emma

sonnet

 

 

 

Farewell Performance.

 

A splash of colour caught my eye.

It was a dancing butterfly,

 which fluttered freely here and there.

Borne on the balmy summer air

A bright and gaily coloured sprite

 

Although she did not dance for me.

I know I’m privileged to be

 allowed to watch this butterfly

 as it pirouettes in the sky

Until it’s lifted by the breeze

 and disappears over the trees.

Though I miss my ballerina.

I’m still grateful to have seen her.

 

Monday, 09 November 2009

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

Reviews

[R.R.Louderback]

Very light and pleasant. Quick reading caused me to stumble on getting the proper emPHAsis on the right sylLAbles but It wasn't hard when I took my time.

Good work as ever.

Suggestions:
"I know I’m privileged to be" might flow better as "I am privileged to be"

"Until it’s lifted by the breeze" might work as "Until she's lifted by the breeze" just for reasons of making it more "romantic"

"and disappears over the trees" could be "and disappers above the trees" to improve the emPHAsis.

Mind you these are NOT criticisms, it is excellent work as it stands. I merely present the above for consideration...