Why Not?

narative verse

Why not?

 

The Government, apparently

 convinced they know what’s best for us.

Pass laws with which we don’t agree

 and wonder why we make a fuss.

 

They want to tell us what to think.

Erode our freedoms even more.

Dictate what we should eat and drink.

It’ seems they’ve chosen to ignore.

 

The rights we have as citizens

They insult our intelligence.

We have to make them think again.

 We aren’t a captive audience.

 

They do not know what’s best for us

 I cannot possibly agree.

In fact it makes me furious

That they should even try to be.

 

 Sole arbiters of what we do.

Denying our ability to use

 our brains and think things through.

And then decide what we will choose.

 

To eat and drink or what we’ll wear.

 They’re paid to serve and not to rule.

Though they may find that hard to bear.

The peoples will should overrule.

 

The governments stupidity.

The seem to lack all common sense.

They do not see we should be free

of their presumed omnipotence.

 

This should be a Democracy

But obviously it is not.

So use your vote and let them see

we aren’t content with what we’ve got.

 

You free to vote for whom you choose.

That does not mean your vote will count

 So vote for change what can you lose.

Its time balance the account.

 

It may be an experiment .

 To sack the old, bring in the new.

A different form of government

 a change that is long overdue.

 

Sunday, 02 May 2010

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

Reviews

[Alessander]

Mcg said it all, so that saves me editing brain power. Even if you're referring to Enland or other foreign powers, this could be the Theme Song of the "tea partiers" in the US. The lament is an old one "government sucks", but politicians don't come from outer space, and the way I see it, Bad Governments come from bad politicians, and bad politicians come from bad cultures, so maybe the current culture needs to change, which is I guess another poem lol Also, in the US at least, Government has done a lot of good things. End of slavery, segregation, child labour, implimented the eight hour work day, social security, medicare, sent a man to the moon, etc but those nuances would def take the edge off the poem. What I like best about ur poems are how truly lyrical and easy they are to read; everything seems effortless and natural. This seems apt in this poem because the narrator seems to want to return to a sort of pre-industrial, arcadian, garden of eden existence that much like meter and rhyme, is seen as archaic and nostalgic.

[Poeticpiers]

When Maggie Thatcher was elected prime minister although not a conservative supporter I though things would change for the better. How wrong can you get
She was disaster not only for the country but for womens chances of being elected.
Many of the problems we have today are directly attributable to her policies

[Tate Morgan]

Well it s time to elect a new government over there i say elect all women and see if they can get along

[mcg03002]

Poeticpiers,
This is a great piece! I completely agree with you. The government has crossed many lines and tends to want to legislate not only what we should do with our lives but how we ought to think and feel. I don’t like to have values dictated to me. Nor do I like the idea of a body of a few rich, powerful, and privileged individuals having such great control over my day to day existence. I feel that my freedoms and autonomy have been repeatedly infringed upon over the years. How right you are that we are due for a change. Each citizen has the responsibility to cast a vote whenever and wherever possible so that control of our country can be returned to the public, where it belongs. Too few people educate themselves on sociopolitical matters…and even fewer have the faith and/or motivation to take action based on what they’ve learned.
Here are a few revision notes for you:
1. “The Government” is a singular noun which only implies the plural…like “the family.” That being the case, I think you should consider modifying your pronouns accordingly. For example, I would change the first two lines to read “The government, apparently convinced it knows what’s best for us…” Some verb conjugations would have to change as well. “Passes laws…” “It wants…” etc. If you wanted to keep the body of the poem as it is, you could change the first line to “The governments…” That would actually be pretty cool, because then the poem would refer not only to Capitol Hill (which was what I thought of when I read this) but to the bodies of state, county, and city government as well.
2. In the sixth stanza, I think you need to use a possessive form rather than a plural of the word “people.” I would probably have written “The peoples’ will should overrule.” The same applies to the seventh stanza. “The government’s stupidity…”
3. I love “common sense” and “omnipotence.” That was a very effective and memorable rhyme.
4. I think the ninth stanza was meant to begin with the word “you’re” rather than “you.”
5. You may have omitted it on purpose, but I think a period (or at least a comma) would be helpful in the third line of the ninth stanza. “So vote for change. What can you lose?” The question mark would also make the line clearer, in my opinion.
6. “its” is a possessive pronoun. The last line of nine requires the use of the contraction for “it is.” “It’s time…” Also, that sentence lacks the word “to.” If you don’t want to put the infinitive “to” there, then it should really be made into two separate sentences. “It’s time to balance the account…” or “It’s time. Balance the account.”
Your poem is fantastic just the way you’ve written it. I got the message loud and clear. The above comments are merely revision options. I recognize, however, that you may have been attempting to foster a particular sense of connection with the reader…or establish a voice. Whatever the case, I want you to know that I enjoyed reading this. It made me think, which is what good poetry is supposed to do, right? Thanks for sharing.