Final farewell.

sonnet

 

 

Final Farewell.

 

She whispers to me lucidly.

The mists have lifted from her mind.

It’s time to go I am resigned.

I shall surrender quietly.

I would much rather go than stay.

My life account is overdrawn.

I shall not see tomorrow’s dawn.

What does it matter any way.

The busy life that she enjoyed.

Came to an end quite suddenly,

 when dementia destroyed.

Her independence totally.

I know it is her wish to die.

This is my chance to say; Goodbye.

 

Friday, 04 February 2011

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

Reviews

[Alessander]

what pathos. This piece is very poignant, and darkly moving. Quite a contrast from your other more light-hearted writing, to say the least. I like so many individual lines, like "The mists have lifted from her mind" - quite true - how "demented" people have their moments of lucidity, and it is like the sun shining thru the clouds, before the shadow moves back over the landscape once more. I hate putting on the critic's eye, but a few little details made me stumble a bit, beginning with the the font size, and color to a lesser degree (this poem seems more solemn, more suited for black, though that's purely subjective). Also, maybe you can employ quotes? just a possibility. The word "independence" also halted me a bit, because it seems that the person has lost so much more...when people lose their eye-sight, or job, that's a loss of independence, but when one loses his/her mind, it seems like so much more. But, that's just me. Here's kinda how it would look like in my head:

Final Farewell.



She whispers to me lucidly.
The mists (fog?) have lifted from her mind.
"It’s time to go - I am resigned.
I shall surrender quietly.
I would much rather go than stay.
My life account is overdrawn.
I shall not see tomorrow’s dawn."
What does it matter any way?
The busy life that she enjoyed.
Came to an end quite suddenly,
when dementia destroyed.
Her (independence) totally.
I know it is her wish to die.
This is my chance to say; Goodbye.

Not much of a difference really, just a few touch-ups. Maybe quote "Goodbye". Anyhow, this was a superb work, and reminded me of a Shakespearean soliloquy, the ultimate compliment. Cheers.