specialgirl.com

a short story about a girl who ordered something off a website in a desprate attempt to be special. Read PLZ!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      “Riiiiiiing!”

      Finally! All my classes are over.  I leave my dreaded school as quickly as I can. The kids at my school are horrible to me.  I'm just not like them.  They know it, and I know it.  Yes, you guessed right, I'm a normal high school girl.... well mostly. You see besides being an outcast, I'm also a bit of a witch.  Well, I want to be one and I will be real soon.   

    

     My name is Nimsy by the way. My mom named me after the movie “ The Secret of Nimh”.  I love it; both the movie and the name becuase, we're both very strange, you see.  If your wondering how I plan to come into my new-found "witchiness" the answer is really simple; the internet.

 

    I found a potion online. The ad said:

 

“ This potion, made from salamander scales and Moonstone shavings has the ability to bring out any and all Wiccan abilities no matter how latent.  Effective in even the most mundane of humans”.

   I didn't read any further down the page. 

      It was a dream come true for me.  It was just absolute perfection! In fact, that very potion is in my pocket right now.  I'm carrying it with me as I stroll down this cobble stoned street.  The distance between myself and the school was growing farther and farther, untill you couldn't see so much as a blade of it's perfectly manicured grass. The street was completely deserted of everyone but me. All the other students walk on the more recent, cement walks.  that’s why I prefer this street.  I can be alone this way.

 

      I reach into my deep baggy jeans; ripped just the way I like them. I feel around and grasp the head of the glass vile. I chug down the potion.  I gulped it down much like a woman straight out of a desert. So desperate was my want, that the potion was gone in less then a minute.

' After-all nothing could go wrong drinking this thick, black potion full of promises …. right? '

 

     Suddenly, my stomach began to feel like someone was jabbing it.  It felt like so many prodding fingers from the inside. Just as I realize something may have gone wrong, the pressure in my stomach vanishes.  I see suddenly that I'm not on my cobble street any longer. In fact I’m on a dirt path in front of a strange looking forest.  This forrest was unlike any I'd ever seen.  The plants were wild-looking and a rather daunting black. 

 

     Before I can fully comprehend the situation I find myself in, A bus stops abruptly in front of me. It stopped with a sharp, squealing skid that shocked me out of my previous thoughts. I forget all previous suspicions of the potion and automatically climb aboard the bus and take a seat in the back.  I did all this with a blank expression, and empty zoned out eyes.  This is because of how many times I had done the same on the way to school.  It was my normal school bus.  Because of this I barely register anything else going on in the bus.

 

     I have no choice, but to break out of my blank stupor when someone rudely jabs me in the shoulder. My amethyst eyes flash with a restrained fury to the intruder. Flicking my long red bangs out of my face I take in the source of my ire.  Standing to my left is a bush of green hair, and an icy smile, standing as polite as can be.  It's as if he didn't commit the grave offense of breaking my treasured tranquility. He looked about thirty at first glance; much to old for a high-school bus.

 

     He says in a squeaky, oh, so, fake voice,

 

 “ Sweet day ain’t it doll-face?"

 

'Doll-face? Why, that little creep! I hate that name so much.'

 

   He better know it to, because my glare couldn’t flame any more without incinerating him. To put it kindly, if looks could kill, he'd be incinerated roadkill.

   

    5 minutes later: He's still smiling impossibly hugely and strangely icily.  I'm still glaring. That's rather strange. I've never been able to go more than 3 minutes without blinking before. 

    10 minutes later: Somehow, I still haven't blinked.  His body snaps suddenly, in an almost zombie like motion, handing me a ragged note. He simply snaps both sets of his fingers, three times quick. “POOF” He's gone. Vanished like hoodini, in a swirl of smoke .

 

     After getting over the frazzlement of his disappearance, I open the strange, ragged note. It reads:

 “ Powers come with consequences doll-face. Take another glance at your bus full of students.”

 

    I did as it said. Tears slid down my face, like rain down a window. All the seats once inhabited by students, were now inhabited with images of the dead. They were not just any dead but friends and family long lost.  My friends and family.  The reason I was an outcast to begin with.  They all started to die after my tenth birthday.  I was left alone with noone to comefor me.  Those that did, died; as simple as that.  I don't know why.

 

   All I could manage to do was collapse onto my knees.  I broke into hysterica lsobs. There was not a more pitiful sight than I, as I whispered shallowly,

“ I see dead people. I see so many dead people. I hate you specialgirl.com.  I hate you!” in a voice deeply broken. It was the voice on the verge of a breakdown.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2012 Emily Dickinson Jr.  All rights reserved

 

Author's Note

I might expand the story if enough ppl like it

Reviews

[~]

There are a few pieces of constructive criticism that I would like to give you, if I may. First, there are quite a few problems with the grammer/punctuation/etc. Those are all easily fixed if you comb through this. Second, I see you may want to expand on this story and I think that is a good idea. As it stands now, it seems incomplete and rushed through important details. Third, If you are going to use a specific spiritual path such as Wicca in this, may I recommend that you do it gently and with tact. It may come across as deragatory to the people who practice it. Simply using Witchcraft (although I have no doubt it would may still be offensive to some) would be a bit more general.
Overall, though I feel the story needs some work, I think it would be an interesting read when completed. I very much like the mystery you have created here and it has a fascinating concept. I also like that this is about a girl who is using a religion to feel "cool". From personal experience, I have found that a lot of young girls turn to Paganism at a young age due to that very thought.
Keep up the good work, my friend.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx! :-) I have gone through and people have said there are some problems with the grammer and such but noone ever is specific so I dont rly know what to fix... And the wicca part I won't change because then it will lack the realism and relatability. Like in reality there are sites that sell such "potions" sooo it isnt rly offensive I dnt think as outing ppl online who are offensive. I'm glad you like the conept though :-)

[Denali Wolfe]

It is interesting, but it honestly sounds a bit immature. However, I see a great deal of potential in your writing! There are a few spelling errors here and there, but that's normal in writing.
Please write more!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I am not the best with grammar or correcting one's mistakes because I don't do very well in those areas myself nor do I take the time to worry about those types of things. I either enjoy the story or am bored by it. This story was an odd ball, for sure but I kept reading until the end so it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. My favorite thing about the entire story was your strong vocabulary and descriptions. You are very good with both and yet even someone with a smaller vocabulary such as myself still can understand what you mean and still can continue with the flow of the story without stumbling or having to stop to figure out what a word or description meant. So all in all, I liked the idea and would like to see it expanded to see where you could take it. Intrigue me, please!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx! I'm glad you enjoy it maybe I will expand it later because right now im focusing on my book the creation

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Yea, I'm about to check it out, actually. :)

[Mia]

This story has a lot of potential. You took an interesting idea and brought it to life. I think you did need to explain more on some aspects. I wasn’t sure whether she had been poisoned and was dreaming or whether it was actually happening. I pointed out some of the things I though needed fixing. Hope it helps. Also I’m sorry it took so long for me to get here. I don’t get notifications when people post on the forum. So I only noticed now.

Witchiness – witchcraft
Add online – ad online
I'm growing farther – I’m going farther (or) I’m walking farther
my stomach is vanishes – my stomach vanishes
Before I can fully comprehend the situation I find myself in A bus stops abruptly in front of me. - ??
I stopped with a sharp – it stopped with a sharp
Amethyst – amethyst...it shouldn’t have a capital letter.
Why that little creep – Why you little creep
Those that did died; as simple as that. – Those that died did so suddenly. It was as simple as that.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I dont think witchcraft works there. She's becoming a witch coming into powers whereas witchcraft in mora an idea/religion/hobby. where do you see my stomache is vanishes??? I have written "the pressure in my stomache vanishes" is that what you were talking about?? Some of the stuff you put I already had changed like the part about the bus stopping. I'm not sure why perhaps you commented before I edited or if you had followed a link it came to before I changed it I'm not to sure about that lol oh and that why you little creep part is in this ' ...' not this "..." It's her thoughts she's not talking to him that's why I phrased it like that. But thanx so much on the help not many take the time to specifically point things out for me to fix and I thank you for that! :-) As for whether this is a dream or not that will be explained if I continue this.
I'm glad you enjoyed it and I dont mind that it took a while afterall its better late thAN NEVER

[Mia]

I see :) You're absolutely welcome!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx!!!! so much I rly do appreciate the input

[Mia]

:D

[K.G]

wow this is a very very interesting story :3 i like lots! and i have to agree with the vintage librarian. Perhaps if you could break down the longer sentences so that it can be slowed down some for i saw the pace being very fast, or it was just me reading it vere fast >.> all in all i love

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx!!!

[K.G]

ur wellcome love :3

[M Garcia]

I say expand. If you need any help with grammar or what have you, email it to me and I'll gladly help. I loved it.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Yes please!!! I'm really horrible with grammer and the such

[M Garcia]

Just copy and paste into a message on here or I can do that. Just tell me which stories you want done.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

freak and anika, laurel the half leviathan, and this one

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ooh wait I renamed freak and anika its now called the penpal rescue

[M Garcia]

OK. I'll work on those tonight as I'm working on the magazine. BTW if there is a recent CD, movie, or book that you would like to review for the magazine, you can.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thats cool :-)

[M Garcia]

Just send me a message or post it in the group forum if you're doing any of the reviews or even an article or essay.

[Xerclipse]

You should expand the story in a book. This wants me to read more but this is it :P this is a true descend into darkness type of story! I would love to see this expanded. What could the dead bodies do, and how will she survive?

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

that was the point if enough ppl like it I was gna continue it Im seriously considering it! This is the most I cud write in 45 minutes

[Xerclipse]

Cool, i am sure that there will be more people saying that! But making a book is a big commitement :P

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I knw thats y I'm waiting

[Xerclipse]

Well patience is good! Besides i made a short story, its just that i wont expand it any longer :P

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

even if ppl want u 2?

[Xerclipse]

Well sometimes your fans could be wrong, and sometimes fans can be right! If i really need help then i would need to ask the fans. Its your story, you do what you want with it. If you are stuck, then you would need help.

If i made a sequel to my short story then it would get killed just like the matrix :P its not meant to be a big story

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

hmmm killed?

[Xerclipse]

You would see if you read my story "Weapon and Angel" it's not meant to be a series or a big movie. Just a short story! I could ruin the story if i made a sequel.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ah so you don't think you could continue it? I guess some people do run into that problem ... I guess I can understand that

[Xerclipse]

Well i left it purposely to let the reader's imagination flow. It was suppose to end there and its not that i had trouble to continue it, its just that i wanted it to end there.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ok :-)

[Tegon Maus]

Interesting that you picked Wiccia... things are not always what they seem are they ?? Your "chug down the potion like a woman straight out of a desert and just as casually as I would the Sprite in my red jean backpack slung over my right shoulder." seemed a little forced but all in all a fun story non-the-less.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx I like wicca so I did a story on it bit of a no brainer

[Tegon Maus]

A follower of the Sisterhood ??

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ooooh yeah ;-)

[M.E.Lyle]

Wow, what was in that potion again? This is really a keen story, weird, but keen.
You have a few gramatical errors, but you'll find them and fix them, won't you? You better, or that witches potion might come chasing you down...
Have a great day.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it I wrote it off A prompt in my english class last year

[♥ Kinnixk]

Really? It's very good, you are great at writing stories :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

awww thanx girl!!

[♥ Kinnixk]

^.^ You're very welcome.