The day after

9

The pomp and gaiety
Festoons and processions
Man dancing in glory,
To the tune of crafted musicians.

Long night seemed not to end
The enchanted crowd forgot themselves
All the merry makers
Let go of their woes.

But alas, there is the day after
When the arena wore the look as
That of a dreary God forsaken place
If there is a festival, there is also the day after.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Lady Prema 🌸

For your generous invitation, in September, to read and offer helpful suggestions on this lovely poem.

Your imaginatively creative thinking is both entertainingly enjoyable and thought provoking. Particularly, your ability to paint vivid word pictures speaks highly of your observational understandings in how human nature and developed situations sometimes turn out. You seem to have a keen sense of bringing them to life on the page … those attributes I admire in how you use such skills for all your writings.

Things to keep in mind:
When writing poetry, it's a good idea to avoid the use of too many meaningless filler words, such as "the, and, you know, so, is, as, of, etc;" eliminating them altogether or replacing with descriptively poetic words. Be mindful, too, of proper punctuation and grammar, and using CAPS to unnecessarily begin every line … to do so tends to confuse where one thought and/or complete line ends and another begins.

Let me illustrate some techniques for you by editing your poem:

·—⁓§⁓—·

"The Day After"

Playful pomp 'n gaiety,
festooned processions…
men dancing in glory
to musicians' crafted tunes.

Long night seemed unending.
Enchanted, merrymaking crowd
forgot themselves,
releasing their woes.

Alas, came the day after,
when celebration's arena
looked like dreary, godforsaken trash.
If there's a festival, there's always the day after.

·—⁓§⁓—·

I have sincerely enjoyed sharing these honest suggestions in helping you polish your excellent craft. It's always a pleasure to lend a lady a hand, and it's a friendly, simple way to learn from each other, too. 😃

Thank you for the honor of serving you.
Many blessings … Namasté, Dear Prema ⁓ Richard 🙏

[prema]

Thank you so much Sir for reading and analysing and also giving valuable tips for writing a poem.In college I did maths and my wish to learn English remained unfulfilled. I feel gratitude to have known you in this site. You are an inspiration to many including me. Once again many thanks and best wishes for the festive season. Love & care prema

[prema]

Also thanks for editing my poem

[Richard🖌]

You are most welcome, Prema,
And, I thank You, as-well for your delightfully expressed appreciation and blushing praise.

You do so wonderfully make sharing a sweet pleasure.
"Happy Holidays, Dear Poetess!" ⁓ Richard🎀

[prema]

Thanks again