Glitter

i saw her for the first time in years and she acted as though nothing tragic had ever occurred. i whittled in the conversation stunned silently like my mind were on autopilot and the residue of trails catching up with me was stimulating. i felt nothing but a combination tray sorted with rich dishes but deformed treasures. my loathing desire to get high and hate myself even more for i am a f*****g degenerate who feeds off the images displayed in his hollow atrophying mind. i could finally let go and not envy her but gracefully feel a sense of compassion towards her craft and earnest labor. i loved her. the pain was brutal, recalculating the timeline in which i applied pain from my own unsteady hands, stuttering words of ambiguous sighs. something had to be in store for me. could her presence be a message of sorts. too many questions plagued. how could i re-invite someone who betrayed my will to smother and support. the unconditional love bearer i dubbed. maybe it was time to keep my mind at ease. could i really be her friend without overanalyzing the chance encounter?