Meanings you will never care about.

Young love can bring about many struggles in life and the consequences of a heart can bring much agony. However if you truly listen you will hear what the anger inside of you really means.

Dear Alex,

       

       When I first met you I thought you were a loud obnoxious jerk. I'm sorry but it's true. However the more I spent time with you the more I realized that you were a kind good hearted man. You have faith in the Lord and I feel that you will one day change your ways to walk with God. You care so much for the people around you, and you never cease to give up in life no matter what the challenge. That's why I fell for you. I can't explain it, but when I'm with you my insides melt, and my head gets frosted over. We never did have a straightforward relationship did we? I suppose we were just two kids that had issues and we used each other to relieve the pressure. I'm not going to deny the fact that part of me still likes you in that romantic way, but I  think we both know that we will never be. At least not in this lifetime. Alex, have you ever wondered what brought us together? I mean we are so different but yet the same all at once. We have seen each other naked both physically and emotionally. When you told me about your cousin, or your girlfriend, and all the other things in your life I was speechless. I am sorry that I had nothing to say, I just didn't know how to take your pain away. I would if I  could, I hope that you know that.

           We have never been simple I think we knew that from the beginning, and I can't keep dragging a hope of us along in my life. It's not fair to you or to Bryce. If I'm honest with myself I will find that as much as I hoped for you to like  me, it never happened. I just never felt your attention on me and I think it never was there. I will always cherish the time that I have spent with you, but Alex you never wanted me to stay. You never fought to keep me. I was simply a girl that you met and had fun with, I am the girl in every teenage love song that you will remember one day, or not at all.

       I'm not telling you this to make you upset, I'm telling you this because decisions have to be made. And it's not fair to either of us to let the emotions sit. You even said that you don't know why you keep coming back to me. I don't understand it either, all I know is that at one point in time I fell for you but it was the wrong time, wrong place. I don't know if you're still reading this and if you are I'm sorry for all the heartache we have caused each other. I still can't tell you why I gravitate to you, and I don't think I ever will be able to understand why. I don't want this to be goodbye you mean too much to me for that. However if goodbye is what you need than that is what I will do. Maybe one day down the road we will look back at this and laugh, but today we look at this and are confused. You may know how you feel but you never said it. Dale being with you for short times kills me. It hurts so bad knowing that I can never truly have you, it tears me apart to leave every time. It always has. I really hope we can still be friends, but something in me says it's not what you want.

         For the record I never once doubted your intelligence or your kindness to others. Alex you have such a bright future and a happy life coming at you. I wish you the best and I hope that we can still be friends or whatever else it happens to be.  You don't have to write back but I hope that you will because never knowing how you truly felt hurts the most. Maybe it will all work out someday it's funny how attraction goes. Alex I will never forget you, remember that.

                     Your… friend?,

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Author's Note

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