Tired

I’m so tired.

I’m so tired of trying to be someone who I’m not for him.

I’m so tired of his criticisms, his ugly whispers in my ears,

Too ugly, too stupid, too slow, too fat, too weird, too weak, too imperfect

Sticks and stones will break my bones but his words will never hurt me.

I could be happy if his voice was quiet next to mine.

I could be happy if he was blind.

I could be happy if he loved me.

But I’m so tired of my bleeding heart scarred in my mangled chest.

I’m so tired of not being good enough for him.

I’m so tired of being rejected by him.

I’m so tired of being weak and useless in his eyes.

I’m so tired, beaten by his blows, his nails scratching out my eyes, his daggers piercing my heart, his legs kicking my crimson stomach, his words suffocating my happiness.

Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will make him hurt me.

He is my bully and I am his punching bag.

He is my worst enemy.

He is the poison in my soul.

I hate him.

I hate him so much.

Why does he loathe me, what did I do to him?

Why can’t I do anything right in his eyes?

That’s why I’m tired.

So tired of waking up with him by my side.

So tired of trying to satisfy him.

So tired of him constricting my throat and slicing my heart.

I just want to sleep and never wake up.

I just want to rest and never hear his voice or see his face or remember him again.

But I can’t.

I can't kill him or he will kill me.

Because I am him,

And he is me.

Sticks and stones can't break my bones because I am already broken.

Reviews

[PaintingWords]

Wow! lots of emotion, I can almost feel your pain
Amazing poem
Totally agree with HippieSoulPunx review
Great work though

[HippieSoulPunx]

Wow, this is very sad and dark. Often, we judge ourselves more harshly than we judge anyone else, we over-analyse ourselves and set crazy standards, and then refuse to forgive ourselves when we screw up. But sometimes it's the only way to move forward and let go of that self-hatred and pain. Beautiful writing, a lot of emotion put into this.