Poison

Poison

I entered a dark time in my life. I had lost sight of all hope. I forgot the sun and its warmth. I forgot the meaning of life and why I was living it. When I found a drug to make me feel better. I injected it into my arm. My veins full of glowing warmth. My heart warm with joy. My stomach sore from laughter. My cheeks burning with excitement. For a while, everything was well and I was happy again. Then my life turned for the worse, I relapsed and fell into withdrawal. Any moment I wasn’t using the drug I was down, I crashed. My conscience tells me to let the substance go, but my body cries out for more. I was addicted, I couldn’t stop. It was a drug I couldn’t quit. I felt better shortly only to feel worse later. The sickness warmed my heart only to plunge it back into icy water when I couldn’t feel the effects anymore. The drug let my bud of happiness grow only to grind it into the ground. I have lost all of the highs when I inject the opium into my heart, only making me hate myself more. I stayed away from the morphine for a while, but I still felt the effects. I just wanted to be loved and this needle full of sunshine made me feel like I was. I waited for him to come to me, but he didn’t. When I didn’t expect him to come, he did. I was almost cured, but the moment I saw his warm brown hair and startlingly deep blue eyes, I was hooked. My hands trembled and my knees wobbled, I ran to him. I embraced him. I fell back into the hole I was so desperate to fill. My heart explodes. I love him. I hate him. I love him. I hate me. I love him. He is a knife stabbed through my heart, I push the blade in deeper. He is the alligators jaw around me, I embrace it. He is the bleach inside my glass, I drink it. He is the noose around my neck, I jump. He is the angled blade suspended above my head, I pull the executioners lever. The thing is if I could start all over, I would do it again a million times again. Because the joy he made me feel is almost worth the tears he made me shed. As long as he is happy, I can pretend I am.

He is my drug, and his name is _______.

It sucks to know that you are like oxygen to me but I am merely an obnoxious gnat to you.