No Recourse

He is the best sailor who can steer within fewest points of the wind, and exact a motive power out of the greatest obstacles. - Thoreau

i'm your mother

with the black rosary beads under my pillow

master of hypocrisy

taking you to church

playing the part

"be good"

"always listen to what i say"

never you mind how to pray

exhausted

she just finished giving us our baths

putting on our jammies

tucking us into bed

the double bed that my brother and i shared

to make things easier for her

with pursed lips

getting ever tighter

biting

she's lying on the couch now

watching tv

coming to a rolling boil

we know what's coming

it's not long

door swings open

she charges into the room

old leather belt dangling from her indignant fingers

the wickedness starts

she's lashing wildly

whipping her pain

we're screaming

trying to stop her from pulling down the covers

how do you love yourself

how do you care

when it doesn't play fair

when all semblance of reason is lost

it's stolen so much

i'm tired

show me

show me peace

erase the anger

show me how to put on the headphones

so the music drowns the sorrow

show me how to live

show me how to forgive

show me how to stop the lying

so tears are drying

so a living hell is no longer frying

make the merry-go-round stop

so i'm no longer dying

show me how to cover the welts

the one's on the inside

i didn't do anything wrong

i didn't do anything wrong

so why do i deserve this

just make it stop

so i can care again

so i can breathe again

so i can believe again

Author's Note

"City life - millions of people being lonesome together." - Thoreau

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Lotsa times as I'm reading other people's stuff at the cafe or on Facebook, it seems like everyone else in the world has a beautiful family to brag about & adore, etc. But something musta cracked here at the cafe, becuz this morning I've read a TON of s**t-talkin' about various family members. This s**t-talkin' runs the gamut from fun-slamming to earnest-damning. Yours sits prominently in this spot: "How to turn bad experiences into art"! I think the secret is when we finally get over the anger, then we can just tell the story without damning anyone. This is very well done & I suspect it's autobiographical from what we've discussed before. I'm sorry it was this way for you (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Pete]

yes. i hear people talk about how tough and strong they are and how beautiful things are. real strength and beauty is being able to get past crap like this and turn it into good. when someone can live and stop being dead on the inside. the reciprocal damage and fallout from such things is so awful and far-reaching. ty for sharing ... :)

[barleygirl]

Your words feel infused with power . . .