Unforgiven

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root. - Thoreau

alone

unaccompanied

in a meanspirited city

music my cocaine

plenty of money but no one left to buy

stark naked

at wit's end

wrapped only in unparalleled, unprecedented emotions

torn rags of feelings without a home

deep inside, my soul making a stinking commotion

a bungee cord about to snap

crack w****s salivating and circling like unappeasable vultures

born into bedlam

thrown into a dead end alleyway

god speaking to me in onomatopeias

clinging to fickle faith and obscured truth by a thin thread

pushing an upside down shopping cart full of the "C"s of crazy whilst wearing a tarnished, golden dreamcoat turned to a heavy nightmare of lead

like van gogh but with two ears

a thoreau, "sucking out all the marrow of life" that went clear through the bone

saying to myself eastwood's line from the movie, "i don't deserve this"

hearing a voice say, "deserve's got nothing to do with it"

surely

he must be risen

and i'm cast down here

alone

unaccompanied

unforgiven

Author's Note

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." - Thoreau

Reviews

[lightsong]

This one goes into many levels, but in few words, a lost soul in this whole world, a soul that doesn't know where its place on this earth, what is it its purpose... it's not about faithful or unfaithful, strong or not, it's simply about being lost... because what I see here is a soul who is able to receive what the ancestral want from him, but still lost lost lost... that's why it seems he can't forgive himself for not being able to take the duty and his real worth.

[Pete]

you have a prescient ability to read between the lines. I never learned to love myself as I was raised by parents who saw themselves as victims and did not love themselves. acorns don't fall far from the tree ...:)

[barleygirl]

I have never lived in a heavily-populated place & your poignant descriptions are part of the reason why not. Some poets can write this stuff & make it sound like the romance of living in the city & another person (like yourself) can paint these same details as being too harsh & forbidding (((HUGS)))

[Pete]

i'm not here by choice, trust me on that. there is a sort of crammed, forced despair here and a shortage of breathable air. can't think straight with so many bodies and eyes darting about with nothing new to see or do. asphalt and concrete do nothing for me. it feels like dante's inferno. give me the countryside anytime and twice on sunday ... :)

[barleygirl]

One time, after living in the hills where I now live (different cabin) for 10 years, I applied for a job in downtown SF. Walking to the interview, I got huge claustrophobia being sandwiched between so much freakin' metal & glass & concrete. In the interview they asked me why I wanted the job & I answered: "good question!" I couldn't even PRETEND to want to work in the city!

[Pete]

good for you - lifestyle is an important consideration. i've turned down many jobs in the city - it just isn't worth it to me. i'd rather be poor in the country than rich in the city. when i step out of my building and start walking in the city, i oftentimes feel like everything is bearing down and closing in on me. i can't breathe. that's why i write about the oasis of the park so much - i need an unobstructed view of the sky and to be able to see trees and grass with the harbor being an added bonus ... :)

[barleygirl]

Thank you for all your shares on this . . .