Evil Biscuits

Oh, just read it!

My dog, Burt, is lying hurt

Assaulted by a biscuit

It flew right off Aunt Edna's plate

And bruised his little brisket

 

Baking soda, so they say

Will soften up the bread

And make it nicely chew-able

So we don't end up dead

Author's Note

In days past, especially in the south, a great test of new brides was their ability to make good biscuits.

Reviews

[Marie]

Evil biscuits? Didn't know such biscuits existed, Sam. So very sorry to read that poor Burt got hurt by one of these little monster biscuits! Must have been over baked? Hahaha :)))))) Love this wonderful witty write and the story story that baking soda will soften up the bread. Did you know that in Ireland, bread soda has always been added to cabbage to soften it, Sam? I hope Burt got some nice soft cookies to enjoy after the hard one caused him such unnecessary pain. He so deserved an extra treat. Great write! Love it, Sam and thank you for sharing, dear friend...

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Marie. I'm glad you found it humorous. I think I have heard of putting bicarbonate of soda in cabbage. Other things, too, especially greens. I never knew what affect it was supposed to have, though. I usually sauté my cabbage or put it in soup. I have seen someone forget to put baking soda in biscuits, and they turn out awful and tough. David might have killed Goliath with one.

[Marie]

Thank you for your delightful witty comment, Sam and for the laugh. I have never tasted sautéed cabbage, Sam. Must try it out! In Ireland cabbage is boiled with bacon or bacon ribs. Never had it in soup either, but think I will give that a miss! Too much bread soda in the cabbage and black spots appear on the cabbage. Just a tiny piece is needed, but as I always shred the cabbage, I have never used it, but saw my Mam use it from time to time, though seldom. Thank you again for sharing, Sam. Wishing you a very nice rest of the day to enjoy, dear friend...

[Samuel Dickens]

Bacon flavor is perfect for cabbage. I like to saute cabbage in bacon fat which would create a flavor you'd recognize.

[Marie]

Oh, it sounds absolutely delicious, Sam. I must try it out! Thank you for sharing with me, dear friend...

[emmajoygreen]

Giggling at your words here but .. poor Burt got hurt and is off cookies ONLY 'til - the smells pervading house and home again get his tail wagging and saliva dripping. As ever a smart and smiley post, Sam, thanks for the umpteenth time - over the years!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I'm glad you found it humorous.

[emmajoygreen]

Dad for Burt but - really enjoyed the telling. :)

[M.E.Lyle]

Evil biscuits, sounds like my ex-wife. I don't mention her name because skies always turn black when I do, and there is loud thunder too.
Hey, toss me a couple of them biscuits, would ya.
Great stuff, as usual Sam. Loved it.

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

[An owl on the moon]

Sam Dickens? Evil Biscuits? Poems about keepin' alive here in the south? What's not to love! Oh... I've had a few biscuits in my day... and yours here are some of the best. Good to see you, sir!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Craig. As my wife isn't allowed in the kitchen, I've become a fair biscuit maker. So far, no animals have been injured by one. How nice of you to come by.

[An owl on the moon]

Now, that seems like it could be a short story if not a novella... bring it! Please!

[Lorry]

Ha, nice one Sam. My favourite part of halloween is that not only do I get to say spooky biscuits more, but I also get to buy them. A bakers here, with shops everywhere, sell spooky biscuits at halloween. If you google greggs spooky biscuits, you'll see what I mean. :)
Hope the pooch has recovered :

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks. Wish I had one of those spooky biscuits with my coffee right now.

[john l smith]

poor little mite, such a hard slight, would a softer biscuit have made things alright

[D Connolly]

My granny made great biscuits LOL, and never killed anyone or hurt any pups (that I know of). I guess she was a catch! XD

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I wish I could've caught one like your granny. (I have to make my own darned biscuits)

[A.H.]

Very nice reading. Funny, light and good humor.
New brides need to make good biscuits, to prove their worth?
That must be a piece of cake, get a good cookery book and practise, all while ? :D
Just kidding..

I had a good time reading it, Sam.
Thanks!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I think most young brides just order takeout these days.

[Lady Glitter]

Funny but also serious too. Could have put out someone's eye, or at least damaged it. The title is like a curse, really, lol. Like what a person would exclaim after the accident happened. Where'd you get that image? I was not expecting something so domesticated either. With All Hallows Eve coming up, I just knew this verse was about a spirit-filled biscuit that terrorized everyone who came near the tin!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I found the pic at Google images. I think it's a roll, actually, but was too good to not use.

[Viv Wade]

Ha ha, The title and description of this poem made me laugh, and the poem did too! Reminds me of my Mom's attempts to bake her own bread when I was little - my Dad taught me to say 'Mommy's bread is heavy as lead'!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I'm happy it made you laugh.