Creature from the Pit of Despair

It's indescribably evil

 

There’s evil in the kitchen, void of heart and soul

Waiting for me there, it makes my blood run cold

I’ve slain it many times, with bare and trembling hands

But when I walk away, it rises up again

Who will face this beast and make it go away?

No one else but me, I must sadly say

Others are too fearful to raise their swords, it seems

And hide beneath their beds while muffling a scream

Do they think I sleep so very well at night?

Dreaming of the villain that daily, I must fight?

This food-encrusted monster, no longer will I face

For starting on the morrow, we’ll eat on paper plates

Author's Note

My wife almost never does the dishes.

Years later... Okay, she's doing much better now. I think her therapist told her it was the right thing to do, especially since I'm the cook.

Reviews

[roarke]

I don't get it..............hahahaahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahaaaaaaa

that's why our early ancestors just threw everything into one big heap outside and buried it. Makes for good archeology when ya can't dig up a dino bone....

just make a raw onion and cheese sammich, then there's no clean up


oh...btw.... nice poem... fun stuff.

[Relic]

hahahaha, I never saw this one Sam. I hate cleaning plates as well but know of no sword to conquer them.

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. Yeah, it's one of life's distasteful chores.

[Lorry]

Ahhhh! The monster who mustn't be mentioned! Oh, I know her well! (What do you mean it's about doing the dishes? Oh, I see!
This is the most apt title ever!
I must have been reprogrammed without knowing it (by a lady of course) because I always do the dishes before buddy byes, because no matter how much it makes me groan, the thought of waking up to them is enough to make sure I don't get out of bed the next day.
I think it must have been in lockdown that I was reprogrammed to do them instead of letting them pile up. I don't really remember but they act I feel compelled to say "Katie is lovely" out loud may well indeed point at the culprit of my domestic reprogramming! 😃
But she is, bless her and in no way hypnotised me into it at all and I certainly can't prove it in a court of law. Well it's either that or o I just came to the conclusion myself that it's a good idea and keeps me occupied between giving her three hour footrubs, that in no way at all grosses me out, honestly. 😃

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. That heartless creature tortures us both!

[M. J. Smith]

For some time, I made a living battling that monster!
Well written. 😃

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. Yes, that monster has no pity on us.

[john l smith]

Very funny
I had an unplanned look in my sons (and wife) shower the other day and I think a disposable paper substitute would also do nicely for them
great poem
Dave

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks. I'm glad you like it.

[barleygirl]

I concur . . . dirty dishes are most evil & foul. If they get to the point of mold & slime, then it seems the dishes should be discarded, as no amount of soap & scrubbing can rid my mind of the gross visions, when I try to eat off these same dishes again! You've described the monster very vividly . . . and I'm sure many have such nasty business lurking in their kitchen sinks, or in the fridge! *yuk!*

[Samuel Dickens]

I'm not a neatnik, but do want things kept reasonably clean. Thank you for reading.

[Tomás Ó C..]

So funny... I thought it was alchol at first, then food addiction... but its the dishes... just buy more!

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Tomas.

[Autumn Lyric]

This was a fun and entertaining reading! I keep forgetting to buy paper plates! Serves me right, but your poem keeps things on the lighter side and I just love that : -)

[Samuel Dickens]

Thank you. I only use real plates for fancy meals nowadays.

[Renée]

lol !!!! very creative ! before reading your authors note
I had an idea it was the dreaded......
(( D i S h E s ))

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Renee. At my house, a man's chores are never finished.

[Renée]

*Christmas Gift List*
Sam Dickens .. Chinet

[arbitrary jane]

amen.

[writernubbin]

Too funny! That monster is always in the kitchen. Sounds like you have found the answer to help tame the beast. :) Nice rhyming and a fun read. I would say you are versatile...a man who does dishes AND writes poetry is a keeper. LOL