The Presence

Trouble sleeping

 

George awoke from an uneasy sleep, cracked one eyelid and peered at the alarm clock.

Three in the morning. I'm tired. I need more sleep.

"You may as well get up, George."

I'll ignore her. C'mon, brain, slip back into dreamland, but let's have nice dreams--not that other stuff.

"Let me guess. You were dreaming centipedes--right?"

Centipedes? Why would I dream about those? She doesn't know. She can't really see inside my head.

"Right before you washed your clothes in hot sauce, there were centipedes in your socks. That's why you had to wash them--remember?"

Oh, hell!

"See, I told you."

George let out a long sigh, threw the blanket back, sat up in bed and put his feet on the floor.

"You know, I'm pretty tired of this. Can't you just go bug someone else and quit sitting in that chair all the time, watching me and invading my mind?"

"No. There are things we need to talk about."

George frowned at the silhouette and said, "I know I made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes!"

"Yes, everyone does make them, so tell me how you feel about yours."

"I'm sorry for them."

"Even that big ugly tattoo? Father doesn't like those, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know! You told me a million times!"

"I wanted to hear you say it again. We've got to get these things settled."

"You know, I just don't know why you have to make a big deal out of stuff like that. Young people are easily swayed by fads."

"That's true, but still inexcusable. You were 47 when you had some 'afternoon delight' with Ernie's wife, so what's your excuse for that?"

"Weakness, I guess."

"Tell me how you were weak."

"I don't want to."

"Come on and tell me. It'll make you feel better."

"If I tell you, will you let me go back to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, Ernie was on one of his hunting trips and she called to see if I could fix her clothes drier. She didn't have a bra on, and well, it just happened."

"A pretty sorry thing to do, don't you think?"

"Part of me says it was, but another part says it was beautiful. Ernie treated her like crap, their marriage had been in the pits for years, and...."

"What about your marriage. Was it in the pits, too?"

George looked down at the dark floor, glanced at the shadow and replied, "You know it was."

"I'll agree that it could've been better."

George stamped his foot. "It could've been better? The marriage was dead!"

"Truthfully, it was pretty awful..."

"Pretty damned awful!"

"Okay, okay, it was bad, but was that a valid excuse for your behavior?"

"No, I guess not, but the experience provided a tiny ray of light in my dull life. It was rainbows, explosions and shooting stars, in fact. Having sex with her awakened feelings I'd not had in twenty years. It made me feel young and alive, and I think she felt that way, too."

"Maybe I'll ask her."

"No, you won't....you can't do that, can you?"

The shadow said, "No. I'd like to, though."

"Thank God for small miracles. That'd be all I need--you getting inside other people's heads and quizzing them about me."

"If I could, would you want to know what she thought? Would you want to know whether she felt all those fireworks like you, or just saw it as a pleasant break from doing laundry?"

"You really enjoy hurting me, don't you?"

"I don't mean to."

"Well, you do, and what you just said was terrible. It wasn't just sex, you know. We'd known each other for a long time, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw longing. If things had only been different--if not for my kids, we could've shed our worthless spouses and been very happy together."

The shadow stood up, walked to George's bedside and massaged his shoulders.

"Oh, George, George, George. I wish your life could've been better. I saw what was happening and whispered in your ear. I said, 'Don't marry her--you'll be miserable', but you didn't hear me."

"You could've whispered louder. You could've screamed it."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think anything would've changed your mind. I did all I could."

"Couldn't you have made me run away and join the circus, or something?"

"Now you're being silly. Listen--I want you to know that I was there with you the entire time; sometimes rejoicing, sometimes crying, but always rooting for you. Would it help if I told you what all I've done to get you to the age of seventy?"

"Now, what does that mean? Are you saying I'm dead, and that I died when I was seventy?"

"Do you feel dead, George?"

"No. I feel sleepy, and you're keeping me up, just like you always do."

"It's necessary. You have unresolved issues."

"Please let me go back to sleep."

"I will, but back to what we were talking about; Do you have any idea how many times I helped you make the right decisions?"

George rubbed his forehead and replied, "I imagine you steered me out of trouble about a million times, and I appreciate that. It's just that..."

"That's okay, George,you don't need to say any more. You tried, and I'm very proud of you for that."

"You are?"

"Absolutely."

"Will my heart ever stop aching for the love I never found?"

"Well, it won't ache anymore tonight. Lay back down and close your eyes. Remember that time you knocked a baseball through Mrs. Hooper's window, and claimed Andrew Walker did it?"

 

 

 

Author's Note

Some of my wandering thoughts

Reviews

[Honey]

I really really REALLY liked this story.

The way you painted out him LITERALLY talking to his ghosts...the things he subconsciously wants to resolve before he dies...was just amazing. I liked the changing in tones in conversation, and really liked the end.

One thing I was thinking was that this line :
The shadow said, "No. I'd like to, though."

Might pack a little punch if you added something like:
The shadow paused. "No. I'd like to, though."

Just a thought. I love this story, and look forward to reading your other writings.

[Claire Twinn]

I liked the unusual nature of this story and the ideas of our inner voice talking to us. I too spend a lot of time dwelling on the past- it would be great to go back and try it out a different way next time!

[Marie]

Really good, Sam. We all have that "inner guide" we should listen to. Because if we don't listen when we should, eventually we'll have to listen when we don't want to. You captured it perfectly.

[Sheila Kline]

This reminds me of the movie, "Mr. Brooks" as it his "alter ego" that prompts him to do his evil deeds. But, that is another story - I can relate to your story and am intrigued by the idea of inner self talking to self.......really quite fascinating!
It is when we feel peace that we are able to silence the voices in our soul!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I enjoyed the read Sam...it was like a dream outside of a dream...the ghost of a consciousness coming back to haunt the tired. Poor old George, I hope he gets some rest, sounds like he needs it. And you know that's good writing when you get your reader to empathize with your characters.

[Samuel Dickens]

Thanks, Fabian. Conversing with myself is something I do quite a bit these days.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Oh, I've been doing that for years Sam. Sometimes I just like to get an intelligent opinion. (laughing)

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Sam,

Captivating and amusing as always. Yep, all those random thoughts sometimes get the better of us, don't they? Let us hope we can all come to peace with our lives. That makes for good sleep.

Very best regards,

Rick

[Stacey Watts]

Having those voices that say you shouldn't do this or that is nice. I especially liked the thought that the presence was there as a conscience and not necessarily in control of the situation. Very well written.

[bill]

How come 'tis that sex is where our mind meanders off to most times. May be 'tis that we just like to feel a mite guilty 'bout boffin' another guy's old lady, like puttin' salve on a sore. Least ways it can help a fella get through the night.

Great story, my friend. I love it.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Another tale by a great story teller, but I'm wondering, Sam, why your conscience/guardian angel is a woman rather than a man? Interesting...

[Julius Whimbird]

Ah, the conscience of a person. A conscience may be nagging, but it's a good thing to listen to, especially if it's got the right set of mind when it comes to predicaments. I could also say, according to your story, it may something that you can have to talk to about problems and worries you just can't share with others... and I mean *no one*. An excellent work, Mr. Dickens!

[The Flame of the Knight]

I like it. Very good.