The Presence

Trouble sleeping

 

George awoke from an uneasy sleep, cracked one eyelid and peered at the alarm clock.

Three in the morning. I'm tired. I need more sleep.

"You may as well get up, George."

I'll ignore her. C'mon, brain, slip back into dreamland, but let's have nice dreams--not that other stuff.

"Let me guess. You were dreaming centipedes--right?"

Centipedes? Why would I dream about those? She doesn't know. She can't really see inside my head.

"Right before you washed your clothes in hot sauce, there were centipedes in your socks. That's why you had to wash them--remember?"

Oh, hell!

"See, I told you."

George let out a long sigh, threw the blanket back, sat up in bed and put his feet on the floor.

"You know, I'm pretty tired of this. Can't you just go bug someone else and quit sitting in that chair all the time, watching me and invading my mind?"

"No. There are things we need to talk about."

George frowned at the silhouette and said, "I know I made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes!"

"Yes, everyone does make them, so tell me how you feel about yours."

"I'm sorry for them."

"Even that big ugly tattoo? Father doesn't like those, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know! You told me a million times!"

"I wanted to hear you say it again. We've got to get these things settled."

"You know, I just don't know why you have to make a big deal out of stuff like that. Young people are easily swayed by fads."

"That's true, but still inexcusable. You were 47 when you had some 'afternoon delight' with Ernie's wife, so what's your excuse for that?"

"Weakness, I guess."

"Tell me how you were weak."

"I don't want to."

"Come on and tell me. It'll make you feel better."

"If I tell you, will you let me go back to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, Ernie was on one of his hunting trips and she called to see if I could fix her clothes drier. She didn't have a bra on, and well, it just happened."

"A pretty sorry thing to do, don't you think?"

"Part of me says it was, but another part says it was beautiful. Ernie treated her like crap, their marriage had been in the pits for years, and...."

"What about your marriage. Was it in the pits, too?"

George looked down at the dark floor, glanced at the shadow and replied, "You know it was."

"I'll agree that it could've been better."

George stamped his foot. "It could've been better? The marriage was dead!"

"Truthfully, it was pretty awful..."

"Pretty damned awful!"

"Okay, okay, it was bad, but was that a valid excuse for your behavior?"

"No, I guess not, but the experience provided a tiny ray of light in my dull life. It was rainbows, explosions and shooting stars, in fact. Having sex with her awakened feelings I'd not had in twenty years. It made me feel young and alive, and I think she felt that way, too."

"Maybe I'll ask her."

"No, you won't....you can't do that, can you?"

The shadow said, "No. I'd like to, though."

"Thank God for small miracles. That'd be all I need--you getting inside other people's heads and quizzing them about me."

"If I could, would you want to know what she thought? Would you want to know whether she felt all those fireworks like you, or just saw it as a pleasant break from doing laundry?"

"You really enjoy hurting me, don't you?"

"I don't mean to."

"Well, you do, and what you just said was terrible. It wasn't just sex, you know. We'd known each other for a long time, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw longing. If things had only been different--if not for my kids, we could've shed our worthless spouses and been very happy together."

The shadow stood up, walked to George's bedside and massaged his shoulders.

"Oh, George, George, George. I wish your life could've been better. I saw what was happening and whispered in your ear. I said, 'Don't marry her--you'll be miserable', but you didn't hear me."

"You could've whispered louder. You could've screamed it."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think anything would've changed your mind. I did all I could."

"Couldn't you have made me run away and join the circus, or something?"

"Now you're being silly. Listen--I want you to know that I was there with you the entire time; sometimes rejoicing, sometimes crying, but always rooting for you. Would it help if I told you what all I've done to get you to the age of seventy?"

"Now, what does that mean? Are you saying I'm dead, and that I died when I was seventy?"

"Do you feel dead, George?"

"No. I feel sleepy, and you're keeping me up, just like you always do."

"It's necessary. You have unresolved issues."

"Please let me go back to sleep."

"I will, but back to what we were talking about; Do you have any idea how many times I helped you make the right decisions?"

George rubbed his forehead and replied, "I imagine you steered me out of trouble about a million times, and I appreciate that. It's just that..."

"That's okay, George,you don't need to say any more. You tried, and I'm very proud of you for that."

"You are?"

"Absolutely."

"Will my heart ever stop aching for the love I never found?"

"Well, it won't ache anymore tonight. Lay back down and close your eyes. Remember that time you knocked a baseball through Mrs. Hooper's window, and claimed Andrew Walker did it?"

 

 

 

Author's Note

Some of my wandering thoughts

Reviews

[Honey]

I really really REALLY liked this story.

The way you painted out him LITERALLY talking to his ghosts...the things he subconsciously wants to resolve before he dies...was just amazing. I liked the changing in tones in conversation, and really liked the end.

One thing I was thinking was that this line :
The shadow said, "No. I'd like to, though."

Might pack a little punch if you added something like:
The shadow paused. "No. I'd like to, though."

Just a thought. I love this story, and look forward to reading your other writings.

[Suze]

What a powerful image, that part of ourselves that is somehow outside us as well. I loved this, it was a great read as well as meaningful. We all have things that do, or should, wake us up in the middle of the night I think. You captured that feeling perfectly. You must be the master of the short story, Sam. Your stories are always entertaining, meaningful and enjoyable. You paint a character's picture well in few words and capture the subtleties of life with ease. You have to be one of my very favorite authors on this site.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Love this. Keep wandering will ya. Nice to see you back... I think. I haven't seen you for a bit.
Thanks for the write.

[roarke]

The inner conversation, tricky, handled here with skill and a personal understanding of the inside. Well written dialogue.
Mentioning the age was an interesting lead, not mentioning the gender of the shadow, letting the reader decide for themselves, male/female, self/mother, guardian angel....etc.
Everything felt right from beginning to end, just enough but not too much. No one writes spirit and heart like you do Sam.

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Ahhh, that pesky conscience. Delightful story. When is the book coming out? No, seriously.

[Patrick]

I some how feel Ive walked into a room where some feast has been served but half eaten - i want to know more! Great read, glad I took a peek