Scars and Stripes

bang.

Barely twenty years old
standing in the cold
waiting for the fight
waiting for that night
gonna make your papa proud
when the bombs are going down
look at all your friends running in
heads full of adrenilin
government Ritalin
Boy, you gotta win
gonna be the best
but look now
five rounds in your chest
you're dying for the cause
you're a hero now
but you forgot the fatal clause
barely twenty years old
lying in the cold
waiting for the end
with wounds that never mend

Author's Note

if you took the time to read this please be kind enough to leave a review of your impression of the piece. thank you!

Reviews

[Mila]

This was a very real and powerful piece that moved me well more than some of my most favorite pieces of poetry have. It concise, the message was clear and the story was told through your depth of thought and expression. I'm normally extremely constructive in my reviews, but this was beyond anything I have read on here and I have nothing more to say other than VERY well done!

[N.A. Deakins]

It is enjoyable. You're good at rhyming. It gives off a lot of images.

[PaleWriter]

The harsh realities of war are often delt to the young men who fight and die horrible deaths. So many have died and it seems so needless, but such is the horror of human kind. I like the way you repeated the beginning at the end only with a different outcome. Good poem K.

[Coyote Poetry]

Your poem tells a sad and true story. I have lost many good friends and I hope they fought and died for a reason. Your story is honest and direct. It is sad we live in a world. Where young people learn death and violence before love and kindness. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Gone]

stark and in your face write. I like the way you told it like it is. no frills just full on and straight to the point.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A dark and interesting poem. You use powerful and song-like wording. I think you could improve the impact of the poem if you structured it into stanzas. Other than that you wrote some thought provoking lines.

[salvador (camuel choisu..]

wow this one had a very powerful emotion within it i really enjoyed this one, great work.

[deeps]

Brutal awesome write. I could even see some truth twisted in this.
A very well written write.

[luciddreamer]

This is an awesome honest write....

Peace
Robin

[E.H. Monroe]

Build from dirt and ol school Agnostic Front grit. The nature of the writing is clearly ol school hardcore circa 1986. Vibrates like some Cro Mags and kicks balls like Warzone.

Hooked

[A]

So sad but you tell the story well. Very good writing and great poem! :)