The deaf ache of life

I roll over and glaze my crusty hand over the thin placid surface of my phone
Picking it up I let my watery eyes wander over a blizzard of notifications
Seratonin fills my empty adrenals as I see their name emblazed upon it
Somehow it is brighter than all the rest
I sigh and drop the weighted connector back into my lavender laced bedsheets
Satisfied
I still want more rest
Closing my eyes I see my life spill out in front of me
I try to push the door
I do not want to see
It hums it’s way through
Randomized images flashing through my conscious
Unsettled by what I see I push myself deeper into my flaws
Hoping to find a perfection hidden amongst the mix
Time ticks on
How long have I been here ?
Buzzing alerts me to the reality that I am presented with
Grumbiling quielty I stumble from the dark oblivion
They will have to wait
The demons?
It doesn’t matter
Walking to the bathroom my feet catch on the smooth carpet
I can’t even make it to the shower without somehow refuting the unrefutable
Dismayed I shove my sore hands under the water
Delirium and pain blind my eyes
Scrubbing away the memories of another night
6.24
7 minutes
I’m in my car
Speeding down the highway to reach a destination with no desire
I wonder what it would feel like to desire
Notification
Him
I forgot they exist
Replying slowly I put together a placid message
“ me too!”
“ so excited “
“ see you then”
My heels crunch as I walk up the layered cement path
It’s so flat
Sighing deeply I open the door
It will be better
By to night ?
By tomorrow?

Reviews

[phoebe wells]

I always find it interesting to look back at my writing from different periods of my life. It always deeply reflects where I was at mentally. Growth is beautiful, yet so are the ebbs and flows of life. Some of my best writing has come through some of my lowest points. X