23 Years

A man's feelings for his wife after 23 years of marriage.

Blonde hair streaked with gray,

brushing against my chin.

Powdered face,

masking her true beauty.

Blue-grey eyes,

looking compassionately into my own.

Pearly white teeth,

smiling back at me as we dance.

Coral lips,

fitting into mine.

23 years,

everyday I love her more.

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

No matter how much time passes, true love never fades...
So sweet poem... the words...just tug onto my heart...
this is amazing how poets think things which are yet to happen miraculously.. No astronomers do it I assure... This is what called a real love between two souls... not two minds or bodies....
soulmates make it all happen when God makes them meet in the world... True love makes the world a place called heaven.... So nicely penned with brilliant thoughts....
amazing!!!
Anindita : )

[M.E.Lyle]

Ah, true love. There's no better path to walk than the one you walk with your own true love.
A wonderful tribute to the lady with the blonde hair, streaked with gray.

[Désiré D..]

nice. i hope i can gain the experience to be able to relate with this. im just a youngster hehehe.

[William Liston]

This is a lovely poem. It captures both the strength of love and the beauty of longevity; I enjoyed the descriptions in this piece. I especially liked the lines "Coral lips / fitting into mine" because I thought that was a creative way to describe kissing. The rest of the piece is of similar quality.

If I may critique, I agree with barleygirl in that this piece could benefit from descriptions of inner beauty. I think it would compliment the theme of long-lasting love. It would fit in very well after many of your physical descriptions too. For example, after the "looking compassionately into my own" line, you could describe the woman's compassion and warm heart. After the "smiling back at me as we dance" line you could describe how she's a fun, loving person. That's just something to consider. Whether you make changes or not, this is still a good poem.

- William Liston

PS: I don't think centering the text does the visual presentation justice; instead, I think it would look better if you right-aligned the text and left space in the bottom. That's what I usually do: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/ColemanListon/1822837/

[barleygirl]

I haven't run across your writing lately & as I was visiting your page this morning, I put something of yours into my "read queue" . . . then I find this in my read requests! We must be on a connected wavelength! *smile*

I'm afraid that long relationships are not the norm these days, so it's refreshing to read something like this that celebrates the simple pleasure of knowing & loving this other person for a long time. I like that you included much detail so we can picture this beloved person as the narrator does. Frankly, I would also like a little more revealing inner beauty as well as outer beauty, but your vivid word-crafting more than makes up for this little shortcoming according to my personal preference.