....

A Poem by raizel

ull understand

I know loss...
It's not simplicity,
of the volume,
Spoken,
In the gut wrenching feeling,
Of separation,
It's not just the pain,
Of realization,
That something has ended,
It's more than just teardrops,
Spilled into a pillow,
It's not the burn,
Or the icy cold,
Of being alone,
Unlike most believe,
Words can't explain it,
Because it's not,
The rage,
From being lied to,
Or the force,
Of a bat,
Through the windows,
Of the truck,
It's not the guttural cry,
The sound like,
A river,
In the center of a hurricane,
It's not the stiffness,
In the lips,
A tightly pressed line,
Holding back the storm,
People are wrong,
When they say,
"i feel ur pain.",
Because they do not,
They can't know loss,
Of the true degree,
Because it cannott,
Be defined,
In the hollow eyes,
Dark heavy bags,
Lying under bloodshot holes,
In something broken,
That was once a face,
Words float,
Past deaf ears,
Still ringing from the sound,
Of the silence,
It's not,
The inner shame,
From needing,
To be held,
As you cry,
Yourself to sleep,
Another night,
You can't find,
It's meaning,
In the bottom of the tub,
Ben & jerry,
Don't know either,
It's not a feeling,
In itself,
It's more than a memory,
When it has the power,
To bring you to your knees,
It's more than fear,
The lack of trust,
Dosent compare,
Sitting with a cell phone,
Waiting to see,
Who they talk to,
Dying to hurt,
Because it's true,
Coming home early,
Because the neigbhors say,
They hear groans and moans,
Coming from home,
Your home,
When your gone,
It hurts,
To know that they,
Aren't home alone,
But that pain dosent describe,
The feeling inside,
The loss,
Loss,
You don't know,
It's a combination,
Like a lock,
You don't have they key to open,
Loss is,
A mother,
Standing,
And shaking,
So close to exploding,
Into a puddle of tears,
As she holds,
Her babys hand,
6 years,
Fading swifter,
Every day,
Chemo failing,
So the tears,
Slipping silently,
Sit on his head,
Like diamonds on a crown,
Reflecting her pain,
As he coughs out,
"ill be okay, I love you mommie",
And she has to be strong,
And say,
"of course you will, mommie loves you too, you will be fine baby ....go to sleep"
But she's dying inside,
And she holds him,
Her child,
Her life,
And everyone knows he's gone,
And everyone knows she's going,
She's a good mother,
And won't let,
Something like,
Death change it,
So she sits,
And whispers,
"you are my sunshine....when skies are grey..."
As she strokes his head,
Her final breath,
Used in a kiss...
Loss is,
Pain,
It's holy,
But destructive,
And final....
Loss is,
A child,
Screaming,
In the center of the raod,
Staring,
Teary eyed,
At the body,
Of it's dog,
A family member,
In their eyes,
It's the way,
They try to reach it,
And manage to,
As though greased,
Slipping,
Like butter from daddys arms,
Running forward,
And cradeling,
It's lifeless body,
The air around them,
Wavering from the pitch,
Of the pain,
Because,
It's the first time,
They ever realized,
That it's real,
Everything,
Clarity,
The first time,
They know death......
Loss,
Is growing up,
Losing innocence...
It's the feeling,
The buttierflies,
Under ur skin,
And the way you melt at the voice,
And whispering forever,
Under the stars...
It's the pain of separation,
Your death after loves funeral,
You were thinking forever,
They were thinking,
For now....
It's the urge,
To pull your eyes out,
When you see them,
Laughing,
With someone else,
It's the breakdown,
A bottle of pills,
Empty,
Beside your bed,
And your in the tub,
Looks like sleep
But your chest don't rise,
When you don't breathe...
Loss is,
The family,
Dealing with,
Suacide......
Loss is,
In the facismile,
Pasted on her face,
As she sits at the window,
She watches and waits,
Hoping,
For her children,
To come,
And say hellow,
For once,
Because it's been years,
But with senility,
Comes repreive,
Her family was here yesterday,
With breakfast,
And then,
They gave her a bath,
And they'll come again,
So she reminisses,
And sighs,
As she flashes back to her life,
Dancing,
With a soildure,
And raising,
A family,
He would never see,
Filling the children,
With all the love,
He never got to receive,
She laughs softly,
A mother,
Left to rot,
A widow,
With a broken heart,
And a burden,
Too sweet for this world..
Loss,
Is being abandoned,
And slapped,
By the world....
Loss is pain,
But it's real,
It's complex,
And fathomless,
Like dropping into the ocean,
And dying before,
You walk the bottom......
Now please,
Leave me to greive,
No..
Move that hand,
It don't help,
Don't say that,
Don't talk to me,
When you can't understand.