final letter

I tried to call you last night, but you didn't answer your phone
I guess you're still ignoring me
and I understand
what makes me wonder is why you said you're sorry
when I'm the one apologizing
I can still see the pain in your eyes
hear the anger in your voice
but what hurt the most was your silent dissapointment

I fell to my knees as you walked away
blinded by my bitter tears
I noticed the uncertaintity in your stride
how hard to tried not to look back
and see me falliung apart
I didn't ask you stay
because I already knew your answer
I didn't move from that place
until darkness fell and willed me to leave
I couldn't
Eventually I pulled my tired body from the ground
and un coinsciensly made my way home

I know that you cried
I cried for you
Sleepless nights filled with a strangers screaming
because I could not recognize my own voice
My body became numb and my heart became stone
I felt powerless and alone
The memories of you filled my thoughts
so that I spent my days in a haze of reminiscence

I cannot justify what I did
I cannot take it back
take the pain away
I'm sorry for ever hurting you
and forcing you to doubt
I beg for forgiveness I know you hesitate to grant
All I can do is spare you of me
and try to erase this reminder

And if you're reading this
I'm braver than I thought
I only pray that you don't hate my memory more
just think of it less often
everything has changed
except the way I feel about you
and no matter how things end
it never will