At the aquarium

the soft glow from the water

ripples across your face

as 

a calm silence 

falls between us

the bright world ahead

shines in your eyes

where we observe in darkness

did you know

jellyfish have no heart

but can live for hundreds of years?

(I think

I could live that long

waiting for you)

 

 

Author's Note

Any and all feedback welcome. This is my first poem here with no rhyme, please let me know what you think!

Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/0qpPV5nrhwo
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Reviews

[Miss Sharon]

I like! Most of my poetry rhymes but I do like to read and write those that do not as well. Your final stanza packs a punch! ~Sharon

[rmarrwrites]

Thank you!

[John the Baptist]

I have known people who were heartless, and they seemed to hang on forever.

[Mike Keenan]

'I think' is redundant; get rid of it. And the brackets. Otherwise, lovely.

[rmarrwrites]

Thank you, I'm hesitant to change this as I wanted to "soften" the last part stylistically/show that it's an aside that's thought but not spoken out loud. It would make for more consistency, though. I'll think on it for now.

[Cameron@Poet]

One, I would just love to say that the format of this poem is very creative. Two, I love how you compare the length of a jellyfish's life to how long one is going to wait for someone else,Great work on this! :)

[rmarrwrites]

Thanks! I'm happy the format worked, I was worried about how my lines were spaced out.

[Cameron@Poet]

No problem. The line spacing is fine and honestly when it comes to poetry, line spacing is what you make of it. There isn't really a right or wrong when it comes to that, which I love because who doesn't love a little freedom, right?

[rmarrwrites]

For sure, still doesn't stop me fiddling with it for an hour before posting though haha

[Cameron@Poet]

Lol understandable