Deeper Within Me

Falling, falling

Slowly out of reach

Into a deep, dark sleep

Away from your chaotic screams

Inside myself so I cannot see

The pain and heartache

That lies within me

Caused by the torture in your eyes

Looking at me; glowing red

I fall deeper just to escape

Deeper, deeper

Away from you; them; all alike

Yet a trap I hit

I cannot breakout

Stuck inside my own mind

Not the place I truly wanted to be

Author's Note

I'm not much of a poetry writer so...please excuse...all of it. Lol

Reviews

[MAC]

you have nothing to excuse, this is a good write and an excellent poem

[Lovecraft]

A decent poem with some good words that describe your message fairly well. You really shouldn't impede yourself with the way you act as if your poems are a blight on humanity. They are not in any way bad.

I think you should write more poems, in fact. You have a pretty good knack for it in my honest opinion and I don't say that often on this site to other writers. If I dislike or hate your work I either would not bother reviewing it or I would bluntly say how bad or mediocre it really is.

Keep it up! ;)

[Adam Adams]

alrighty, then...
... must consider 'tis so vivacious poetry admittedly one of my fav., for no reason!

"that lies within me
Caused by the torture in your eyes... "

these lines really do break me down to knees not 'cause what love does to people, but what sincerest sincerity of serenity does to me. such a potter of poetry you are, my love! wonderful choice of words. excellent usage of thoughts. nicely & very cleverly adjusted 'em all with piercing tenses of love-sentences. overall, full of magnificence!

you must keep getting yourself so "licked" down in such "deepen" WOOPs -- Words Of Orchestic Poetry!

[J Todd Underhill]

No... you are a fine poetry writer, I would love for you to call and share this on our radio show www.worldpoetryopenmic.net Friday nights 8pm Mountain time. I think you would do fine there!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I enjoyed the read. I feel everyone of us has something deep and rooted inside us. You have expressed it very nicely.

[Teja]

The poem is written nicely.You have conveyed your thoughts well. Good one.