Two Sides

Section of The Poem Two Sides Written in 2011

I age, 
it was selfish
having given my heart
so recklessly you
when there were so many others 
who were more deserving
of what I had to give. But,
for a while, it was you who I cared about most in this world.
In many ways,
it was like driving a car at night 
on the wrong side of the road
and stopping at each and every street sign
not ever understanding what any of them meant.

All things I would never do,
irrational and dangerous, 
much like befriending you.

You grifted me as if that meant nothing to you.
Your friendship, 
My heart,
all that we had been through,
traded in for your advantage.

Now, you trusted friend,
have walked with your polished shoes across the wastelands of my heart
once fertile and lovely
so full of the joy and the promise we planted there together -

What do you think? 
(Oh! How much more can one tender muscle take? Was this abuse its' last?)
When will I to become immune to the pain of my heart break?

My soul sings to itself at night, 
now that those whom I trusted the most 
have failed me.
I answer back,
in a tiny voice, 
that it will be okay in the end;

if only I can believe in that myself.

I would like to pretend that you were really my friend once,
that it wasn't all just a con,
that I, a confused driver going blindly to the night,
down the road the wrong way,
fearing never to reach home -
That even I, can find my way again.

That, in grief,
we can come together,
in this wasteland that is my heart.

copyright Lisa Dryer 2011 from section a section of the poem Two Sides