Untitled~2000 a.d.

a poem of mine written back in high school 13 years ago and recently erected from the remains of years of closet chaos... found in a lunchbox..

I look into your eyes 

I see the innocence you despise

 And all the heartache and the lies

You've tried to cover from inside.

I went inside your head

discovered the hatred and the dread

I heard the words that you once said

I saw the child deep within you

that was dead

I taste your salty skin

I feel the evil that's within

Loving you feels like a sin

I can see your patience growing thin

I walk inside your soul

I know the power you behold

I know the truths that go untold

Your past is starting to unfold.

I have seen your burning smile

Even now and all the while

You were always in denial

of the painful past that you withhold.

Author's Note

say what you must..

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

Sometimes when we look at what's inside the person rather than the packaging, we see the truth of what that person is. No hairstyle or fashion accessory can change what we see, no matter how much we want to see good. We find out all sorts of things about people, just by caring. Sometimes seeing these things can be hard and talking about them is harder, but if the person is willing to listen, instead of living in ignorance, then those words will seep deep enough to maybe make the change that person needs.....But mostly they don't appreciate it, which is their loss.
Capturing all the angst and worry of seeing what the other person does not superbly.

[Luke Rawlings]

Recurring imagery is quite effective in the way you use it, well done! Just a pointer, the line "I taste you salty skin".. should it be "I taste your salty skin"? I was unsure on that but a well written piece overall :)

[revalatia]

cool man, thanx for catching that for me... and thanx again for your review :D

[Luke Rawlings]

No problems :)

[Max Watt]

Wonderful! Love the surprise at the end, rhymes are piled on and then suddenly...stops. Very effective.

[Holly Mason]

i went inside your head...love that line thanks for the write

[Tracey C.]

I am in love with this! great job. You were great even 13 years ago.