last word with my diary

Boiled baked turmoil

i served everynight past three years in a line 

my diary,

i ask u favor 

to answer 'A' question...

did ...i ever made anyone jolly!(trickling of a tear drop )

 

scrutinized scathed spaces

wrathed with my scribblings

on your blatant black pages

dint i ever sung mournful

on every face dumb written!

 

inking on your very sour edges,

sinking into your folded pages,

did i ever borrowed affection!

 

dragging the tip pointing the ball pen's ink,

scratching the bleached bamboo..i ask..

did i ever said i made someone feel good!

 

paddling in my own wastage,

on through a stinking ordeal,

did i ever fished something new...

or likewise just gave some of those old miserable phews.

 

deaf tuned sense of  my all five ,had u ever attended anything placid spooned!

mocking ,mean mouth of  mine ,had u ever  spoken a miserable truth?

icy, smeared eyes in my socket dice, had u ever scrolled

for something which i should once had dreamt ... in lieu,

aching limb mounted with greased up nails...asking

i had savored the torment of  your half born emotions too distinct

now please answer my begging questioN!

did i ever meant sensible

without being sarcastically ridiculed!

projecting as a gentleman without acting 

like a nerd crawling in library dunes!

or shall i ask did i ever appeared simple

despite hiding behind some complicated spoof....!

wished binary consisted just yes and no

and my diary 000 000 000 000

a false belief for it will reply...

(pain dubbed in ironical smile, 

wishes to give a cry,

eyes buried in diary ,

lungs taking a deep sigh.)

enjoyed much of your cackling silence...(my diary)

thank u!

for the answer..

and here on this note i burn My Diary!

 

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Good content, but your word structure needs work. We both know english is a second language and it is apparent in your piece. Word selection and tense are the two noticed the most.

"dragging the tip pointing the ball pen's ink,
scratching the bleached bamboo..i ask..
did i ever said i made someone feel good!"

"dragging the tip of the pen as the ink scratches the bleached bamboo..I ask.. did I ever say I made someone feel good"

I am not saying these are change to make, but a example of what I saw through out the piece. Words and structure..

Never give up and keep writing. The core of great writing is there.

[Rishabh Shaw]

I thank you for pointing out, but the paranoia was meant to be expressed coarsely there. It is suppose to reflect the unwillingness to describe the commotion,'dragging the tip..', but as it expresses out ultimately, it is pictured more like the torture to the paper.. 'pointing the ball pen's ink , scratching the bleached bamboo..'

And Williard you're correct, i'm not native to this language so about the grammar part pardon me for killing it in a few places. :D
thank you for your well wishes

[Rogue]

Very intriguing.. Both the piece and the wording.
You definitely take your reader through a gamut of emotions.. Curious, questioning, uncomfortable, sadness.. And a bit of a smile at the end.

Very hard to read though with that light font on the blue background. It may discourage some others from even trying.

Nice job overall. :)

[Rishabh Shaw]

thank you for your response..
hope the contrast is okay now.. :)