Face me...

Small Description of what it would feel like on the battlefield...

As the deathly, Icey slices of the shattered glass fly towards my face, unzipping the skin…

I knew. They. Were. Here.

 

The cold sweat pours down my face as I search for a plan…

I can’t hear myself think!

The deafening sound of bullets showering on your cover

The yelling of young men

…and the last shrieks of the female nurses, who have now fallen

contributes to the foul smell

The foul smell of the empty shells where the souls lived.

 

“F**k!”

 

My long hesitation on the battlefield has paid off…

O’, the exquisite beauty of the sharp pain

One glance down…to view the left shoulder

As the metal drowns into my flesh…

 

Harsh Rubber of their soles thuds

Thuds. Sound surrounds, me

 

Up

 

Only to see the points of those guns

Only to see the strings of life

Face. Me.

 

BANG!

 

-Sachi Ruaya

 

*Written within the time limit of 15 minutes (phew)

Reviews

[Final-Karma]

Imagery is highly strong in this. I can put myself in your poem, the fear, the panic, the pain. It is stressful but not so much that it deviates from your meaning. For some of us, this is as close as we can get to the edge before we break. Thank you for sharing your mind.

[Gianna Anaya]

This piece is simplistic in it's format but so powerful in the imagery and the detail you put into the situation the reader finds himself In.

I would read an entire book about what this character is witnessing. This seems like a little piece of a much larger story.

[Rubick]

You're a soldier? :o
Or maybe just a symbolic imagery of some sort. It anyhow picturizes conflicts and struggles in a relatively peculiar way!

[Taino]

The imagery is so strong, so vivid yet so horrifying and yet so realistic. My family with four generations of combat veterans Sachi I can attest that the scars for so many never fully heal.

And to take your poem one step forward, this too can go beyond the battlefield of war, may be it can refer to our own internal battles, our fears, our hidden thoughts, our nightmares, the wounds of our past and the relationships that did not survive the test of time. Very well written.

[Wanaka]

The reader can almost see it in slow motion with how you wrote the scene . I loved the detail and word play you used to describe the actions.

[AliceBarnes]

The imagery within this poem was astounding. Every line just flashed before my eyes, it was truly a wonder to behold. It is grim but then that is life - there are up's and downs. And such a dramatic ending too, not that, that is a bad thing, I actually found it quite effective. This was very good and I really enjoyed reading. I look forward to seeing what you do next!

[Mrudula Rani]

I tend to avoid reading graphic violence, for it lingers too long on my mind. What you describ here presents more of a picture of a terorrist attack. On other hand the face of war changed too, now a days they wage war any where and every where. - All the best.

[Wonderland Asylum]

I'm in love with this piece!
I absolutely love how you are able to capture all of the feelings, fear, anxiety, and disgust.
I love it!
I can't wait to read more of your work.
Keep writing.

[C.J. Holmes]

Probably my favorite Sachiko piece so far. Your characteristic vivid imagery really shines in a more reserved format like this. I think the time limit brought out the strongest aspects of your style. I'd love to read more pieces like this.