Carnival mirror

It’s not me

It’s not you

It’s us

That makes me feel this way

 

For to have known you

To have known me

To have known us

What leaves its mark on me

 

I don’t miss you

Near as much as I miss myself

The way we are standing together

How could you put it on the shelf?

 

But it doesn’t matter now does it?

No it doesn’t matter now does it?

Staring at hotel walls

Nothing really matters at all

 

So I put on the tunes

Ones we never listened to together

They don’t remind me of you

Yet they so much remind me of us

 

I realize I never knew you at all

I thought I did

But I did know us

Did I not?

 

I remember how you couldn’t sleep

How just being next to me you couldn’t sleep

It’s not that I miss you at all

I miss being beautiful in that way

 

The way my energy changes when I stand next to you

The way the light changes in the room

I miss us

That white hot us that so glows when the fuel of our souls ignites

 

But I never knew you

I saw sliding doors and carnival mirrors

But when I kissed you

I knew life

 

I was beautiful

And I knew life

Like when you couldn’t sleep

Saying, “It’s you.”

 

Only because I lay in your room

Like you lay in my room tonight

While I’m here alone

Staring at hotel walls

 

Listening to the songs that we never heard together

Knowing it’s not you

Knowing it’s not me

It was us

 

…if only for a little while

 

And I don’t miss you

 

 

Author's Note

Not happy with this but the concept is real, true, and me. I do not write for review or accolade. I write to exercise my demons. That said thanks for your nods and I appreciate the gentle touch of those so afflicted.

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[Liderien]

I fear this piece is my future. It haunts me to read yet I know there is nothing I can do to change destiny. All things go the way they go and all I can do is keep living because I will survive and live again somehow someway. For that also is my destiny. To find life and beauty around me, because it is better than bitter death.