Smoked Glass

A description of our age-darkened perception of the world . . .

The green pine burns under the pane of glass

Held by the steady hands of youth

The fire crackles slowly now

And the sun still shines through

 

To the eyes below that pane of glass

The sun still holds its luster

 

The green pine burns under the pane of glass

Held by hands that shake so slightly

The fire breathes more smoke now

Through a tint the sun shines through

 

To the eyes below that pane of glass

The sun holds a faded luster

 

The green pine burns under the pane of glass

Held by hands aged and trembling

The fire belches smoke now

The glass now casts a shadow

 

To the eyes below that pane of glass

The sun has lost its luster

Author's Note

this one is very fresh, help me work out any kinks if you would

Reviews

[Frances O'Neill]

Well written! I like the way each stanza takes the reader to each stage of life!

[Laura E. Aranda]

Interesting. Our age darkened perception of the world, huh? I like it alot. Cheers,lea Yes the lines to repeat themselves in to a rut but they seem to 'have' to be like that....don't change this unless you realllllly feel like you must. Cheers,lea

The lines seem kind or repetitive, so the lyrics seem to lose their meaning. I suggest adding more variety (different words, metaphors) into the writing. The title really got me, though.