Carribean

I found this in my old school file

This is it. Finally, a time to calm down and let my worries slip away.  As I glided into the lukewarm Caribbean water, everything seemed to be at a standstill.  Deeper and deeper I went in the clear blue ocean.  I put my head under, and at that moment, I felt no pain, no worries, no stress.  Every little sound disappeared.  I could no longer hear the people talking or shouting or splashing.  It was just me, alone in the calm water.  I could see little minnows being whipped around by the treacherous current made by all of the people moving around.  As soon as I moved, they swam away as fast as they could.

I began to swim toward the shore, then stood up and walked on the soft, golden sand. As I proceeded to the shore, I could barely tell that the water was getting lower on my body. Finally, I was fully out of the ocean. My feet, still being wet, attracted the sand like a magnet. I slowly regained consciousness of everyone around me. I walked over to the bleach white beach chair, laid my soft, light blue towel down, and sat in the sun for what seemed like an eternity.

Author's Note

Descripitve essay I had to write

Reviews

[Esana Bridges]

I like that you used detail, but I feel like you could have used even more. Try not to use 'I' so much if you're concentrating on your surroundings - just tell me about your surroundings. I like your metaphor about wet feet and sand like a magnet. I feel as if you could have used more paragraph breaks (it's okay - or at least I think it's okay - if your paragraphs are short, since the point of paragraphs is shifts in thought).

Overall a decent essay (especially considering that it was something that you had to write) with a need for more description (which I know you can do based on what I see is already there ~) - a nice, calm and relaxing read (yes, I calmed down just reading it xD).