A Dish Served Cold

drabble

“My first name is Daniel. I am unable to remember my last name. I am 12 years old. When I was 2 – so I was told – my mother sold me and my twin sister to the Master. I have a very ugly upper lip and he painted the clown smile on my face each morning. Everybody at the circus beat me because the Master says I am bad. Last knight I stacked a penknife on his neck when he came out of my sister’s tent. I plead guilty. I want to wash my face because I want to laugh now.” 

Reviews

[~The Queen~]

This tale was rather dark and it added to the whole of it. Just a few suggestions:
1. (Mentioned before) knight=night
2. Try to explain a little bit cause you jumped from 2 yrs to 12 and then to murder. Maybe expain what you think the Master does in your sister's tent or what she's told you. Just so that its not just a clip noted version of could be a really dark and sinister story. Well done!
3. This one is good, I promise :)
At the end you say " I want to wash my face because I want to laugh now."
That was awesome! It was the insentive to the murder and the freedom that he got.
Over all this is a VERY promising story, it just needs to under go some editing. :)

Her Majesty,
The Queen

[Courtney]

I like how this is all dialouge. I don't find any thing wrond with your first few sentences, I don't view it as jumping (The Queen's review). However one word does throw me off, "...I *stacked* a penknife on his neck..." I don't know what you mean by stacked, is it supposed to be "I stabbed a penknife into his neck...?

I love the ending though, very strong finish

[David burrows]

knight should be night.

A bit short to review. Very sad what there is and implies a very sad tale to follow. You were definitely in a dark mood for this tale - I think.

David