I Couldn't Stop.

I tried to sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes

I pictured myself grasping the bottle on my nightstand.

"Stop."

"How many pills do I have left?"

"Stop."

"You don't need another one."

I tried to talk myself out of the chaos that could soon ensue.

I imagined the unmanageability of the next day,

The incapacity to function,

The incapacity to love.

But if I was high

I wouldn't care,

I wouldn't feel the pain of the world.

The people I despised,

The people who resented me,

They wouldn't matter.

That seemed attractive enough.

There was my excuse.

I grasped the bottle on my nightstand.

I cried because I didn't want to take one.

I cried because I had to take one.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree.
"I grasped the bottle on my nightstand.
I cried because I didn't want to take one.
I cried because I had to take one."
Lack of sleep and confusion can lead us to bad places. The poem had the feel of realness and struggle. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[samanthaashley_]

thank you for reading it! I am glad you enjoyed it

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Misery]

As raw as truth can get. Well composed, dear poet.

[samanthaashley_]

thank you!!

[Misery]

Surely welcome.

[K. Bridgid]

This is an incredible depiction of a very true event that unfortunately happens to many on a daily basis. You can feel the pain through this piece and I think that's something incredibly beautiful. I am definitely going to continue to read/follow your writing, this piece just has be hooked! I can't wait to read more.

[samanthaashley_]

thank you so much.. that means a lot!

[Confuser]

samanthaashley: so sad; to visualize someone alone, crying lost in depression is heartbreaking. No light of love to come in only desperation, hate: Really just pain. Great writing.

[samanthaashley_]

thank you! I appreciate it.

[Confuser]

You're welcome!!! Dale

[alf]

hi samanthaashley. I was fine . . . until I got to the closing line. What a stunning impact that made on me. I don't think I have ever had depression laid so bare and with such simplicity of word choices. This is an extremely haunting write, and I think by someone who knows those emotions, has lived them, lived the excuses, and hopefully is able to look back on that experience. I loved this, alf

[samanthaashley_]

wow, thank you so much. I'm glad it was impactful!

[alf]

That it certainly was!!!! I will be back to read more, believe me, alf

[samanthaashley_]

aw, thank you!!

[marcus]

a poignant poem, beautiful.
Addiction is a struggle..

[samanthaashley_]

thank you. now I have been blessed with the gift of recovery, but I remember this night so vividly.