Chapter 1

Part 1

The universe is not made of atoms, it is made of stories. And this story I am going to tell is one that may be perceived as a variation of things. It is a story of a boy.

Now, we’ve all heard the stories of different boys and girls who have achieved great things and surpassed many failures. They are real, of course, all of them. The universe is full of stories from the beginning to the end (which, of course, there is no beginning and there is no end), so who’s to say they aren’t ALL true?

This tale which I am to tell is different from all of these other true, powerful stories. This is a story of a boy, yes. But this is also a story of discovery and future and unexpected events and the Unknown and friendship and love and Infinity.

The tale begins on a large planet, surrounded by all the universe like a gift wrapped by mounds of starry black paper. Tall buildings ark as high as the clouds, bright and shiny as they mirror the rays of the three suns spread out across the sky. Clouds were often smoke-filled and gloomy, projecting no hope such as a puffy, white cloud passing by would. This planet, Swade, could be described as an industrialized planet, particularly compared to the natural expanse covering other planets in the galaxy.

Sam Miteor never knew how or why he ended up growing up here, but he lived with his step-dad and his grandma and no questions were asked. And in his tiny, cramped bedroom, his story began.

One night, Sam’s step-dad, whom Sam had to refer to as Professor and nothing else, sent him to bed as the stars were just beginning to fill the sky.

“It just isn’t fair! Professor treats me like I’m no more than one of you little guys!” He exclaimed to his two Rub-Lubs (small, cute but tough hedgehog-like creatures), named Skuttle and Skim.

He looked from Skuttle to Skim, then shook his head. “Aw, who am I kidding? I do mean no more to the galaxy than you two. I don’t have nobody. Goodnight.”

And so Sam lay to the side on his right shoulder to sleep. But his eyes remained open, and soon the sounds of society were drowned out by the empty space within his mind. He heard Skuttle and Skim’s soft breath as they slept. The cold, nighttime air felt thick and powerful upon his skin.

The night passed by, and soon it was morning.

“Wake up, Cruck! You’ve got a long day ahead of you!” Cruck was a nickname the Professor had bestowed Sam upon their first meeting. The name stuck, and was used by everyone he knew. Sam had no idea what it meant, but he figured it must be a racist term of sorts, for it could be said that Sam looked different among the others.

It is something that can never be explained, and possibly never understood.

Why he would be thought of as different for this petty reason seemed absurd.

Sam hopped atop a passing yellow speeder bike, on which Professor paid the driver to transport Sam through the bustling traffic and to his workplace.

“Good morning, Mr. Lumpkin!” The Professor said. “It’ll be the same place as always, sir. Don’t make the ride easy on the boy! He’s gotta grow some hair on his crucked chest, as I have tried to do but have failed to complete.”

They took off, and Sam closed his eyes and felt the sun beat down upon his face as he watched the world flash beside him: a blur.

He nearly choked on all the strange chemicals floating about the air, and the wind carried a heart-wrenching odor.

Soon they passed by the last building and entered the sandy dunes of Swade. Mr. Lumpkin picked up the pace and soon they were soaring through the dust at a speed which Sam felt would tear his skin right off by the wind.

When they arrived, Mr. Lumpkin didn’t bother to slow down or stop; rather, he shoved Sam off the vehicle and made a quick turn to go home. Sam felt the full impact of the fall as he wound up mangled on top of a prickly plant and the not-so-soft sand.

The world was spinning before him, round and round.

A blur of a man was walking towards him. An old man. Sam’s mind continued to spin, and he listened to the old man’s echoey voice speaking to him. He didn’t understand a word of it.

Finally, the world stopped spinning. That’s when Sam looked up into the face of an old man he hadn’t seen in a long time. “Irt?” He questioned. “Is that you? Irt?”

“Yes, my young friend.” Irt said. “You know, you mustn’t let everyone in your life treat you like an alien. You are not an alien. You are a citizen of Swade and you share the same organs keeping you alive and the same bones keeping you mobile. You need to learn to protect yourself, lad. There’s a whole universe out there, and you must learn to understand that and find your place in it.”

Sam paused. “Well--I know that, Irt--of course I know that. I don’t care if they treat me unfairly. I don’t care if they think I’m different. I don’t care.” He looked Irt in the eye. “It don’t make no difference if I do anyways.”

“Young one, you are running from what you actually believe. Everything you imagine and hope for is real, and true. Everything you create is extraordinary, my boy. You can’t keep living like this.”

Sam thought about what Irt was saying, and as he was about to speak he heard a loud noise where a bunch of other men were standing, at his work.

It was a Wok, a crazy terrifying beast similar to a large hound-dog. It was attacking a small man who carried a shovel.

It knarred its teeth into his back and clawed at him with its’ powerful might.

He tried to fight back with the shovel but couldn’t penetrate the will of the Wok. The other men seemed to hardly care, yelling at each other to step in and help but unwilling to do it themselves.

Sam ran to the man as he yelled to the other men. “Hey! He needs help, guys! Hey!”

The man being attacked cried out, through his pain, in Sam’s direction, while desperately trying to pry the Wok’s massive paws from his chest. “Yes, I need help, Cruck!”

The effect of that word on Sam came in full impact this time. He fought back tears and still ran forward to help, even after the insult. So Sam reached them and started to break the fight apart.  

Immediately upon his arrival however, one man yelled to his companions. “Oh, Mother, hurry, men, don’t let the Cruck help!”

All of them collapsed on the scene and tore the Wok off the man, pinning it to the ground as it puffed smoke from its’ nostrils.

Sam held back tears by looking to the clouds in the sky and to the three suns, bulging their heat upon his skin.

Irt sat on a rock to the side, watching his young friend as he stroked his prickly, white beard. He then walked over to Sam.

“C’mon, Sam. We must go, now.”

Sam looked at him, surprised. “But, Irt, I haven’t gotten enough Magba rocks to sell today. The Professor will kill me! Besides, I was short yesterday even after a full days work and I haven’t eaten in days!”

“You will not have to worry about that. We must go now.”

Reviews

[MightyMouse]

DO NOT LISTEN TO THE 'SHOW DON'T TELL' ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's complete and utter bullshit!!! I have read a million books that tell you rather than show you, and feelings and background cannot be shown!!! I have seriously strong feelings about this. When you try to show everything, too many details are used. Trying to show someone getting hit with a baseball bat for example. Sure, you could explain that they were hit, or you could simply tell someone which would take up one line as opposed to an entire paragraph. People lose interest when you take up that much space to "show" what happened. You could add an entire chapter over "showing" a background story, or you could have a character tell it like a story. I have heard this advice from several aspiring writers, but have heard it completely shut down by actual authors. Your book sounds fine. the only thing needed to make a book good are: Relate-able characters, a good story line, just enough imagery (i.e. details), unflat dialogue, and most of all the ability to capture attention and spark imagination. This is a fiction book, don't worry about writing it like a non fiction book. It sounds perfectly fine the way it is (though there are a few grammar mistakes). Be wary of the advice you take. And if you don't want to quote someone in the book, then make sure you put it in the author's note, or just leave a page at the end with credits. A lot of times putting the name of the person who said it in the first place interrupts flow. The reader wouldn't know them from the old crazy hobo on the corner. Seriously, it's fine the way it is.

[Stars and Whales]

Awesome advice, thank you! I love your writing so I'm going to take any tips I can from you!

[MightyMouse]

I've been doing it for around ten years. You pick up a lot. Have you only read my poems, or have you actually read my book (or started)??? I'm only curious.

[Veronica Staehle]

"The tale begins on a large planet, surrounded by all the universe like a gift wrapped by mounds of starry black paper. Tall buildings ark as high as the clouds, bright and shiny as they mirror the rays of the three suns spread out across the sky"

This is beautiful imagery. Descriptive textural word choices you've used also are very intriguing and calming. A unique place created by you. I like your name choices, reminds me of clockwork orange. I'm always an avid fan of made up words that feel right, or fit how you'd like. The story has this surreal yet very real complex that I could imagine getting lost in.

The beginning introduction feels like a movie introduction where someone is filming themselves preluding what is about to unveil. I'm not entirely sure its necessary based on this segment alone but if you return to that intimate confessional-talking to the camera- dynamic a few times again during the story then it could be valuable. I'll read more as you release them. Real nice job.

[Stars and Whales]

Haha, I'm sure I will return to that talking-to-the-camera thing you talked about; It's the way I write I suppose! Thank you for your kinds words.

[highonwords]

hi zane - the structure and flow is average - i was piqued by the mystery about what's going to happen next - maybe you could smoothen some of the rough edges around the story-line - but your boy, Sam, evoked love and compassion from me - that is great

all the best,
steph

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you steph. How do you think I could smoothen some of the rough edges of the story line? It would be great if you could help me out with that.Thanks again.

Regards,
Zane

[highonwords]

the dialogue in the fight and the transition of the conversation between Sam and the old man, Irt, to the fight sounds a little unwieldy

my best,
steph

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks. I'll see what I can do.