i may not make it through the night

i am pierced deep
within my passions.

i gasp;
and proceed to bleed
all over the ground.

the earth begins to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly
to my sanity
and release
a scream.

i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.

it is more than breath can handle;
i stop tasting the air
and for a moment,
i fall.

deep into the despair
i have only known
for moments
(at a time)

one never forgets
such pain.

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Reviews

[David P. Eckert]

You portray the perfect imagery for the idiom "cut me to the quick." The bleeding, the spilling out. The trick to limit damage is not to connect the new wound with older ones, preserving one's sanity and ego. I think your imagery is solid. I think it might be worth looking at the verb tenses in one spot. For example "the earth begins to saturate" might work better than "the earth is beginning to saturate." It's more immediate, and most of your poem uses that more immediate tense form. You portray, as is your usual, both strong emotion and clear, vivid imagery. Very enjoyable.

David

[H. A. M.]

Really heavy.
"i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.",,,,being hurt constantly?
"i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die. ",,,,,,,sad and very strong visuals.

[V. Lucien Maier]

this is a powerful piece, with a sad message that you convey well.

[Robert Luna]

This was a complete mind trip. Twist and turned very interesting I enjoyed it alot. Had tons of imagery and great word choices.

I found this different than the mainstream stuff i read on here. i find that refreshing to see another poety that thinks outside the box as i do.

Great job!! keep up the great writing. I look forward to reading more of your writings.

[Finicky]

Its only the second one of your work i've read, and i must say..You release alot, some maybe disguised but .....
Your work has the finest tips..they are sharp and vivid

Keep going

[Jonathan Weiss]

Such darkness, Kara. To me the poem would take on a more personal nature if the reader at least had a hint of the circumstance causing you this pain.
The first sentence in S3 basically repeats S2, and for me, it is not necessary.
S7, the use of "one" depersonalizes the poet's pain. I would make it definitely personal. It is YOUR pain, not anyone else's at this moment.

The last two stanzas are strong.... very strong, and end the poem well.
I send prayers for your healing........Jon

[Dead Angel]

again you take my breath away with this one. the emotion and images are astonishing, i hope to one day write like you do. great work! :)

[Girl, Interrupted]

most of the poem i found to be mediocre compared to your other work, but WOW the last stanzas:
"i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die. "

PO-WER-FUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[Lionel Braud]

pieces of me die. I feel fragmented by anxiety all of the time. one part of me is on earth and another stranded in limbo. personally I dont do well with punctuation in poetry. I never know where it is needed or applicable. but I do know your word choice and punctuation are the key elements that make this poem poignantly expressive.

[Amber R. Recinos]

WOW!!! That was great. The imagery is amazing in this piece and I can see every second of the scene as my eyes move from word to word, line to line. Very expressive an emotional. I see it as emotional dying. I can relate. I love it! Great Work.

Amber

[Randall Richard]

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.


rip my heart out with your words ,why dont you. great as always, is this another old one? you translate emotion into words so honestly and accurately. reading you is always a pleasure