the questions

the risks of romance

I'm in college, I should be pursuing me work, more then anything else.

My first year in college I found a boyfriend right away. I fell head over heels for him. He became my prince charming. I thought he was the "one," and I would have married him if he had asked me. 

Turns out he was destined to be me first real heart break... it almost killed me. Even after I had convinced myself that I wasn't meant to be with him, I had an unfix-able void.

...so I guess you could say I fell down the rabbit hole into the world of warped realities and souls that are looking for the rabbit. Looking for the one who holds the time. The one who might point in the right direction.
...I grew fond of the colors, I grew attached to the army of lost souls, I want to follow them deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

til one day the one I had loved, had come back to me...He wanted me and I was about to escape the hole I had dug myself into.    but...it was all a lie.. my heart ripped in two.
...instead of plunging back down my hole, I confided in one boy in particular. He had been the one that had showed me the pretty colors I never saw. He had held my hand and led me down the rabbits hole.

For the first time, I started to see the truth behind his kindness...I slowly started to realize that he had only entered the rabbits hole because of me...

We slowly realized each other and exited the hole we had trapped ourselves in.

I wish I could sorry that we are mad in love with each other, but that's not the case. I would like us to be,  but I don't know if I want to be. In the real work there are too many rules that control who you will end up with. We were more compatible wen we were in the rabbits hole. In reality, he hides behind a wall. Its good that he has distance from me, because now I can have a relationship and still be driven to succeed in school. He is what I need,  but not what I want. I want to be loved. I want him to take down his wall and love me. I don't know if he is trying to protect me because our families are not compatible, or if he is just someone who doesn't fall in love as other do. He calls me perfect but his lack of love makes me feel far from perfect. I stay with him because I feel that I will learn a lot from him and I am trying to take down his wall brick by brick. I just don't even know if my efforts will be in vain.

I think I'm going to take a couple trips down the rabbit hole... just so that I can get my tastes buds back...