V (As In The Letter)

An explicit poem about forbidden love. Haven't actually got to the 'forbidden' part per se, as it's unfinished. Critique is in encouraged as I feel this poem needs improving, and I need new ideas to enhance its quality and direction.

Lead me into temptation, darling Venus.
For only here can my love for you flower – only here will my affection flourish.
Come down from throne of blue,
I will taste you beneath this pedestal,
and we'll hide in the shade, as the sun doth scorn so true.
Open up to me, allow my tongue your lips, be not scared my darling Venus, for the sun it shall soon eclipse.
I can smell your thoughts, sliding my tongue to your valley through,
and I hear your joy, my eyes of brown trouncing yours of blue.
Yet no wonders are there more sweet, as your two droplets of sky, nestled atop such comely peaks,
Alpine in their majesty,
are adorned, as my tongue rings out the joy in you...

Author's Note

Too 'rhymey'? Maybe a bit amateur and juvenile? That's how I feel about it right now, it seems rhyming poetry is considered less 'involved' and acclaimed.

Reviews

[EvesDaughter]

I love this. The sensuality of the write
is well felt by this reader, and you've
given the piece class by not overindulging
in graphics....very well done ;)