Imperfect Victim

Minutes with quick-set cement
And a lifetime to regret
The shaking hand-spun version of the truth
They'd come to use
Formed before their eyes in fearful favor of you
The secret that I let you keep
From the woman child-deep in her belief
And however many more you seek
It all comes back to me
An early piece of a bigger set
I felt too small to see

Author's Note

All feedback welcome.

Reviews

[M]

Wow, I’m in love with this piece. Your words flow beautifully and the metaphors of regret and conflict, and the reflective tone shine. You’re very talented.

[schlanks]

Thank you very much, this made me smile

[Crowley]

I love the style and tone here. I have read three or four times and I am still thinking Im a little obtuse to get the totality of the meaning. It's why writing and reading are subjective right? I feel the first half has to with lies and secrets given in fear or misunderstanding, and that the one who is feared or misunderstood is that way because of the help of another, who maybe gets pleasure when what he/she built is either adored and feared, or gets pleasure when the facade starts to fall apart. Not sure. Anything that makes me think this much is a pleasure to read. Great writing!

[schlanks]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate seeing your thoughts and the effort you put into reading and understanding. This was written about a specific situation, but I won't ruin the mystery for you.

[poetgurl]

this is a powerful write here, nicely done

[schlanks]

Thanks for reading

[nadia dmitri]

"I felt too small to see" is such a powerful line!!!

[schlanks]

Thank you!

[Light and ashes]

powerful words.
........

[schlanks]

Thank you :)

[Light and ashes]

:)) ......

[Light and ashes]

:)) ......

[June bug]

I can feel this write, very nicely written

[schlanks]

Thank you!

[Chris Shaw]

Quick set cement can be a curse, not always a blessing. This little poem said quite a bit to this reader. Nicely composed and conveyed. Thank you.

Chris

[schlanks]

Thank you! This one spilled out naturally with very little editing, so it's a relief to hear it's well composed.

[Matthew Kult]

If only there was a perfect victim. Although in my little world this victim will do. A lovely write and great read.

With love

Matthew

[Miss Sharon]

Nicely written! I like this line especially...From the woman child-deep in her belief. ~Sharon

[schlanks]

Thank you!