Chapter VIII: The Kids Are/n't Alright

Chapter VIII: The Kids Are/n’t Alright 

“Are you ready for the hatchlings, Ballester?” Gorgax asks the next day. Ballester, having finished another round of sex with Shitbag, a look of relief on his face when she shows up. 

“Let me just get dressed and take a shower, do I have time for that?” Ballester asks. 

“Make it quick, the first one is starting to dissolve completely.” Gorgax tells him. 

“Oh, s**t.” Man, for a guy who doesn’t give a s**t about anything, he was quick to get to the kids, dressing in the hallway on his way to the living room. That’s when his first son, Oigres, was born. 

“Hello Mother, Hello Father.” Oigres says. 

“Hello, Oigres.” Gorgax says. 

“Oigres?” 

“Oigres.” 

“Hello Mother, I am Oigres.” 

“Nice to meet you, Oigres.” 

“Nice to meet you too, Mother, Hello Father.” 

“H- hi, uh, Oigres.” Ballester says. 

“Remarkable.” Gorgax says. 

“What is?” 

“We skipped infancy completely, he’s already at stage two, a toddler in human terms.” 

“Wow, do  you think they all will be like that?” 

“It is a likelihood. Go, teach him about not running around naked, I’ll keep an eye on the other three, looks like a few more hours for each.” 

“How many hours?” 

“No, you’re not going anywhere, you’re going to teach Oigres everything there is to know about being alive. For now, his purpose is education.” 

“Alright, fine.” We’re going to fast forward a few hours to when the second egg hatches, cause nobody wants to hear about education in this story. Ok, so the second egg hatches, and a second baby climbs out of the tub, bounces, and unlocks the door and leaves. 

“Ruzal! Ruzal!” Gorgax calls. He stops where he is, and approaches her. She picks him up. “Ruzal.” 

“Ruzal.” 

“Ruzal.” 

“Ruzal. I am Ruzal, Mother.” He gives them both the finger and runs to join his brother and kicks him in the face. 

“That’s you right there.” Gorgax tells Ballester. 

“Aw, he wants to kill everything just like his parents?” Ballester asks. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t that aggressive until I was much older.” 

“I was always a loner guy, literally grew up homeless, my parents were bums, I hated my life, so I joined the military just so I could go to war so I could kill. When they were done with me, I decided to die and so I took Serge up on his offer for ‘Bulletproof Skin.’ It sounded great, there was a high chance of being put me out of my misery. Nope, now I’m immortal with four f*****g tadpole- walking tadpoles with skin? Weird. We have weird children, Gorgax.” 

“And they’re the first of their kind.” 

“I notice they have your eyes, well, the size at least. Ruzal has my eyes in your size, it looks weird.” 

“Infinite combinations and infinite possibilities, my dear. I know I’m a warrior at heart, but I will do my duty to protect our kids, as I assume you will.” 

“Yeah, sure, why not? Do I still get to go out and do my job?” 

“Of course.” 

“Will you ever join me again?” 

“When they’re older, I’m too young to retire just yet. Give me a couple of years with the kids, and they’ll soon be old enough to make their own decisions.” 

“Wow, you guys age up pretty quickly, huh?” 

“Yes, but your human DNA has accelerated it, normally 10 is an adult in our culture, these kids will probably be adults by like, 4,5, maybe 6 years old.” 

“That’s amazing.” 

“They will attend school in our ship, it has all of the collected knowledge of both of our species in its database.” 

“Fine, whatever.” 

“Your kids will likely end up smarter than you.” 

“Yeah, probably. I didn’t even go to school.” He lights up another blunt and chugs vodka in a can. 

“But you have survival skills.” 

“Yeah, guess I do.” 

“Oh look, the third one is almost dissolved.” 

“From here it looks like-” 

“Yup, and she’s beautiful, just like her namesake, Nyvar.” 

“You already knew before they hatched, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, I peeked. Nyvar.” 

“Nyvar.” The baby girl says. 

“Nyvar.” 

“Nyvar.” 

“Oh my God, she’s beautiful. She’s got my size eyes with your dark galaxy looking multipupil eyes.” 

“I told you, infinite combinations, works with humans, too.” 

“...oh yeah, but it’s never been this extreme before, not even between races. Nyvar goes to join her brothers who are fighting over something insignificant.  

“Looks like it’ll be another half hour before this one hatches, why don’t you get us all something to eat?” 

“I’ll see what we’ve got, but I don’t think a half an hour... oh, you want that vegetable crap, don’t ya?” 

“It’s all I’ve been eating, and I want our children to start off with their vitamins.” 

“Fine, then I’m throwing in a pizza for myself, and if you change your mind, but just not the kids.” 

“Deal.” The egg suddenly dissolves, and the baby is just sitting in the water. “Nagol.” 

“Nagol” he says. 

“Nagol.” 

“Hello Mother, I am Nagol.” He jumps out and joins his siblings. 

“Wow, that one had your skin and blood, and my eyes! And look at Oigres already teaching his siblings what I taught him!” Ballester says. 

“It is customary for the older to teach the younger, what would you like to do?” Gorgax asks.  

“Honestly?” Go out and kill something.” 

“Wouldn’t you rather have sex with me?” 

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea! But what about the kids?” 

“Oigres!” 

“Yes, Mother?” Oigres says. 

“Take care of your siblings for the next couple of hours, me and your daddy need alone time, and if you do a good job, there will be extra Treets in it for you.” 

“Affirmative!” Oigres says firmly. He walks over back to where his siblings are, and Ballester and Gorgax go into their room. We’re going to fast forward again, because who wants to see that again? Plus, it’s kids doing kid stuff, you want the excitement to continue. So, as Ballester is heading out, Ruzal sneaks out and joins him. 

“Ruzal, what are you doing here?” Ballester asks. 

“I wanna follow Father and Uncle Shitbag.” Ruzal says. 

“Un-Uncle? No, my job is too dangerous for you to come with us.” 

“But I wanna be like you!” 

“What did your mom say?” 

“She said yes.” 

“Well, as long as your mom says it’s ok, get in the backseat.” 

“Yay!” 

“Yo, Shitbag!” 

“Yes honey?” Shitbag says. 

“Lets go kill some Scotts.” 

“Ooh, my pleasure!” 

“Ugh. One of my kids is tagging along, Gorgax said it was all right.” 

“Yippee! Which one?” 

“Ruzal.” 

“That one is weird looking, he looks like a frog.” 

“Yeah, well, apparently there’s a lot of me in him.” 

“Maybe one day I’ll be in him too.” 

“No. You hear me? No.” 

“Why?” 

“For one, he’s my son, and secondly, he won’t regenerate.” 

“Understood.” 

“So, where are we going?” Ruzal asks from the backseat. 

“Just driving until we come across a Scott.” Ballester answers. 

“Ooh, I hate Scott!” 

“We all do, son, we all do.” 

“Uncle Shitbag is stinky!” 

“Sorry kiddo, all the windows are open, and the top’s down. There’s nothing more I can do.” They end up in the same place that they fought the twenty Scotts, and now there are twenty more. “Your stench is so strong, it’s attracting them here. Look at them, having sex with each other in the place where you exploded the last one.” 

“Let’s get ‘em!” Shitbag growls. He attacks a Scott, who is thoroughly enjoying the experience. Ballester starts shooting Scotts, when a group of them attack Ballester. They start pulling at his limbs, and he manages to kill a couple more before his arms get ripped off. 

“F**k.” 

“I can only f**k them as fast as I can!” Shitbag yells, who is up to number four. Out of nowhere, a hail of bullets sprays past and kills all the Scotts. Limbless, Ballester yells over: 

“What happened? Who shot everyone?” 

“Your son did.” 

“What?” Ruzal climbs out of the truck and walks over to Ballester. 

“When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!” Ruzal says as he shoots Ballester in the head. The dead body turns into a pile of s**t before it turns back into Ballester. 

“Kid, ya did it-ooooooohhhhh!” Ballester says as he’s getting shot again with the baby laughing the whole time. Ballester dies, regenerates, and this process continues for the next few hours, like, so long it stops being funny. Then Shitbag finally realizes he could have just taken the gun away from Ruzal in the first place. Ballester gets into the driver’s seat. “You know, you could’ve done that sooner. Now I know what video game characters go through, that was just absolute hell.” 

“We won, daddy, we won!” Ruzal says. 

“Yeah, buddy, we won. Now, lets go home.” Ballester drives back to the lab and they arrive to chaos. 

“There he is!” Nyvar yells. Gorgax comes by and slaps Ballester across the face. 

“You could have told me you were taking him with you, and HOW COULD YOU TAKE HIM WITH YOU???” Gorgax yells. 

“He said you said it was ok.” 

“I most certainly did not!” She looks down at Ruzal who’s hiding behind his father’s leg. 

“No Treets for you today, young man!” She points at Ruzal. 

“But dad promised!” Ruzal whines. 

“Did you?” 

“Well, he took out like, six Scotts.” 

“Really? Intriguing. Though he is still too young to be out there with daddy, I see he’s already chosen his career. When he turns four, you may apprentice him.” 

“Wait, really?” 

“You’re the best at what you do.” 

“That’s only cause I’m immortal, I’ve died more times than I can count, in various ways, and overly some ways-” He looks down at Ruzal. “But the kid saved my life, so he deserves some Treets.” 

“Affirmative. Go ahead, little one.” Ruzal scurries to the kitchen. “Next time, tell me before you just go and take one of our kids out, he was literally just born yesterday. Though his comprehension is higher than that of a mere toddler, I’d say they’re aging before our very eyes.” 

“That’s crazy, babe.” 

“I’ll allow one birthday hunt a year until he’s four, and that’s it.” 

“Deal.”