Chapter XIII: Hallester Sallone

Chapter XIII: Hallester Sallone 

“Sir, there’s someone at the front gate.” Oigres tells Serge one day. 

“Human or Galaxian?” Serge asks. 

“Human.” 

“Can I help you sir?” Serge speaks through a microphone. 

“Yeah, my son of a b***h brother is in there, and I’m going to kick his a*s. WARD? GET YOUR PANSY A*S OUT HERE!” Hallester says. 

“We have nobody named Ward here.” 

“Did he really go through with that stupid name change? What kind of a name is Ballester, anyway?” 

“Who are you, exactly?” 

“I’m Hal Sallone, now can you please let me in?” 

“Only cause you said please.” Serge activates and opens the gate. The guy runs in and stops by Serge’s lab. 

“I’m Serge, the guy you were just talking to.” 

“Where’s my little brother? I’m going to pound him into the ground for his desertion.” 

“East wing, third floor, room 301.” 

“Thanks.” Hal makes his way upstairs and to Ballester’s room. He doesn’t even knock, he just kicks the door down. 

“Oh, son of a f**k.” Ballester says. 

“You went through with the stupid name change? Really?” 

“I hate the name Ward Burns, it’s an awful, awful name.” 

“And Ballester Sallone is better? You’re a cheap knock off.” 

“What are you even here for, Hal?” 

“What’s going on?” Gorgax asks as she enters the room. 

“Gorgax, I would like you to meet my brother Hal.” 

“Got an alien wife? Wait, that kid that was with that Serge guy, he looks like-” Hal says. 

“Yes, my son, my oldest, Oigres, now can you please explain what you’re here for?” Ballester asks. 

“You deserted us in the middle of a war, I should kill you right now.” He takes a pistol out and aims it at Ballester’s head. 

“If it’ll make you feel better, do it. Kill your little brother. He moves Hal’s hand to point the gun at his forehead. “Go ahead, fire. I triple dog dare you.” He grins. Hal’s  hand starts to shake, and he lowers the gun. “Fine, I’ll do it for you, you pansy.” 

“Wha-” Ballester grabs Hal’s gun and points it at his head. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” 

“NOOOOO-” Ballester blows his brains out. “Oh my God, what have I done?” 

“Great, now I’ve got cleaning to do.” Gorgax rolls her eyes as she steps over Ballester’s body that Hal is crying over and into the kitchen for cleaning supplies. Ballester sits up, and he sneezes the bullet out. 

“Feel better?” Ballester asks Hal. 

“What the-” 

“A side effect of the world ending is that no matter how hard I try, I will always come back to life. I’ve fallen through that Grinder in Serge’s lab twice.” 

“I actually kind of do feel better now, but Ward-” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Fine, Ballester.” He rolls his eyes. “What are you doing here? I found out you survived the blast and live here from one of those aliens. I asked one of the many that came to our city as they started fixing things. Apparently they could find anyone in the world since we all leave DNA literally everywhere and know if they’re dead or alive.” 

“Wait, how did you know I was still alive if I changed my name?” 

“The aliens have both names on file.” 

“Ah, s**t. I can’t let that get out into the public.” 

“Why? Most everyone is dead. Who cares which version of the name they use?” 

“I do. When history looks back at this, they’re going to say ‘Ward Burns, aka Ballester Sallone. Ward...’ and I’ll be remembered as Ward and not Ballester, and I won’t let that happen, that’s why I changed my name in the first goddamn place.” 

“Jeez, I didn’t think it mattered that much to you.” 

“I’ve always hated it, I’m Ballester Sallone and that’s that.” 

“Fine...Ballester.” he says mockingly. “What do you do here, anyway?” 

“I hunt Scott.” 

“You mean the clones of that stupid guy I keep seeing?” 

“Yeah, a moron fell into the cloning machine, making copies of himself so now I get to hunt him down and kill him.” 

“That actually sounds fun, I actually killed seven on the way here, can I get paid?” 

“Sure, that’s if Serge allows it.” They leave the room  and head downstairs to Serge’s lab. 

“I thought I knocked down the door, how was back on?” 

“Serge has maintenance bots that fix things.” 

“And yet your wife has to clean up after you?” 

“Good point, I’ll bring it up to Serge.” 

“Yoooo!” Manboutu croaks, as he’s passing by Ballester and high fives him. “Who’s this dude?” 

“Manboutu, this is my brother Hal.” 

“Nice to meet you, Hal. You guys going hunting today?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I’ll join you, I need to make some credits.” 

“Sure, the more of us the less of a chance for them.” They get to Serge’s lab. “Hey, son. This is your uncle Hallester.” 

“That’s not funny.” Hallester says. 

“Yes it is.” 

“It’s Hal. Not Hallester.” 

“Sure. By the way, Ultimate Ruler Serge, Hallester here-” 

“Hal!” 

“- killed seven Scotts on his way here and requests compensation.” 

“Of course, he can have room 308.” Serge says. 

“Do I get any money?” 

“Eventually. As long as you live here, food and utilities are free. Anything replaced or new in your room is deducted from your accumulated credits. Credits are gained by Scott kills. The funnier the death, the more credits you get. Every hunt is reported to me from a hunt report that you fill out after every mission.” Serge says. 

“That- that actually sounds like a pretty good deal.” Hal says. 

“Also, I reserve the right to experiment on you.” 

“Woah, wait, what?” 

“We’re all Serge’s experiments.” Manboutu says. 

“Fine.” 

“Anything in particular you want?” Serge asks as Hal starts signing papers. 

“I get to choose?” 

“Yeah, sure, why not? Everyone here got to choose. Well, except the hot dog guard dog, the guy wouldn’t shut up about hot dogs, so I turned him into one. And then I thought, as long as he’s a hot dog, might as well make him a dog, too.” 

“Ohh, is that what that was? Poor thing is all moldy.” 

“Meh, he just needs his fur shaved, he’ll look good enough to eat. Which you could if you wanted to.” 

“Gross, no thanks. So, I’m going to join Ballester and Manboutu here on a hunt.” 

“Alright, sure.” 

“Oh, Serge?” Ballester asks. 

“Yeah?” 

“Could I get a maid bot for my wife? I felt bad she had to scrub my brains off of the wall.” 

“Consider it done, deducting your credits now.” 

“Thanks, boss.” 

“Oh, and Hallester?”  

“It’s Hal, but what?” Hal asks. 

“This is a tracking sensor, it’ll beep when a Scott is near. I want you to test it out.” 

“I wanna be invincible, like my brother.” 

“Invincible, you got it, buddy.” The three of them exit the building.  

“So, do we walk, or drive, or what?” 

“Apparently the Scotts are moving to the sewers since that’s where all the s**t is now.” Ballester says. “So, we’ll start closest to home.” Ballester lifts up the nearest manhole and the three of them head down. Manboutu immediately jumps back out. “You alright, buddy?” 

“My physiology can’t handle that amount of bacteria, the air itself burns!” 

“Have you bathed lately?” 

“Yeah...” 

“Well, that’s why! You don’t have the proper coating!” Manboutu takes a suit out of his pack and puts it and the helmet on and joins them back down in the sewer. 

“Much better.” 

“Sorry, I should have told you we were going down here.” 

“It’s alright, Serge modified this suit so I can shoot toxins from the built on guns. Let me just hook up- yeah, there we go.” 

“So, you’re a hunter too?” Hal asks Manboutu. 

“Nah, I’m milked for my toxins, gets people nice and high for a few hours, you know, trip out n s**t.” 

“So, why are you hunting with us?” 

“I need the extra credits.” 

“Do we each get a share, or how’s that work?” 

“You get paid for what you kill, and there’s also group bonuses too, when we work as a team.” 

“WOAH!” Ballester yells. “Holy s**t.” he whispers. He shines his flashlight on a group of Scotts in a section of the sewer as if it was a town bathtub, with many Scotts eating the floating s**t and having sex with each other, some bathing, all of them naked. They didn’t even acknowledge Ballester’s outburst. 

“How many do you think there are?” Hal asks. 

“37 by my count.” 

“Damn, we’re gonna eat good tonight!” 

“Everyone shield your eyes!” Ballester yells as he throws a flashbang around the corner. All the dazed Scotts just stay where they are while Ballester starts getting head shots, Hallester starts gutting them, and Manboutu starts shooting toxins, corroding through the Scotts. “Woah, since when can your toxin do that?” 

“It’s part of the suit upgrade, it turns it from a hallucinogen to an acid.” Manboutu says. 

“That’s pretty cool!” Ballester’s clip empties and he reloads. “C’mon, bro, catch up, I’ve already put down twelve.” 

“I didn’t know it was a competition.” 

“It’s not, but if you’re going to gut them, at least be quick about it!” 

“Sorry, I haven’t done this since the war that you abandoned!” 

“I never lost it. See? Look, eyes closed. Bam Bam Bam, three more Scotts down. Manboutu’s got nine already, you’ve only taken down three. There’s only ten left, catch up big bro. 

“F**k you!” Hallester gets up from his current gutted Scott, and slashes Ballester’s throat, then heads down and slices all the remaining Scotts’ throats. “There!” Better? Now let’s get the f**k out of this stinking f*****g sewer!” Manboutu and Hallester leave the sewer, leaving Ballester to float in the water among the Scotts. An alligator swims by and humps his body before he wakes up to it.  

“What the f**k?” Ballester gets up, sees all the dead Scotts, and heads back the way he came. He catches up to the other two at the gate. “F**k you guys!” 

“What?” Hal asks. “We knew you were coming back anyway.” Hallester says. 

“F**k you!” They enter the building, and they all clean up before they meet up with Serge. 

“Thirty seven between the three of you, huh? That’s a nice paycheck. Who won?” Serge asks. 

“I did, as usual.” Ballester says. “With fifteen.” 

“As usual, there will be a bonus for ya. Hallester,-” 

“IT’S F*****G HAL!” 

“Is it?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Give me the tracker.” 

“Stupid thing didn’t even work.” 

“Oh, yes it did.” Serge plugs it into his computer. Oigres delivers a shot that knocks Hal out. He wakes up on the operating table. “Who am I? Where am I?” 

“Your name is Hallester Sallone. You’re back at the lab, do you remember the accident in the sewer?” Serge asks. 

“Oh yeah, I think so, I think I got shot or something. Are you a doctor?” 

“Kinda. Couldn’t have done it with my assistants though. These are your nephew and niece, Oigres and Nyvar.” 

“Oigres, yeah, I remember you from earlier. And you’re my niece?” 

“Welcome home, Uncle Hallester.” Nyvar says. 

“Now, let me brief you on your abilities. I perfected the bulletproof skin, which is also fireproof, and resistant to explosives as well. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about your pain receptors, so you’ll still feel everything. But, to make up for it, I increased your overall speed and agility, so hopefully you can get out of situations quick enough to not get hit.” 

“Sweet, does that mean I can’t die?”  

“You asked to be invincible, you’re invincible.” 

“Sweet!” Serge pulls out a pistol and point blank fires at Hallester’s head and it bounces right off. “That actually didn’t hurt that much, like a small burn.” 

“Excellent, do a lap around the building, let’s see how fast you really are.”