Chapter XXVIII: ¡Zimzax Es Mierda!/ Chapter 3: Zimzax's Official Record

Chapter XXVIII: ¡Zimzax Es Mierda!  

Chapter 3: Zimzax's Official Record 

“Let it be known that on the fifty seventh day of the thirteenth month of the year 7563, planet Zorkon VII received an energy surge from the planet Earth, approximately 359 light years away. As the next in line to take over a planet, me and my crew were dispatched. It was a simple mission, as most of the population had died. I was excited, as I’d been training for this my whole life. When we arrived, we found it vastly different from our own planet, which is hot and covered in volcanoes and hot springs. It was the perfect environment for us, and we had evolved metallic scales to withstand the lava for a few minutes before getting burned. We’ve been around so long that we got bored and overpopulated our planet. That’s when our government came up with the idea to conquer other planets and to change the environment to suit our needs. Not every planet was a success however, such as the ice planets and water planets. While we initially conquered them, our changes to the environment ended up destroying the planets after a few hundred years. Earth had more than a few hot spots, so it should have been easy to change the environment, but my advisors told me it would have catastrophic consequences in the distant future. We also ran into another problem: apparently the Galaxians, yes, the same Galaxians that defeated us in the war of 5981 had already arrived on the planet before us, and had warned the population that we were coming. When we arrived, there was an army waiting for us made up of genetically mutated Galaxians and humans. Humans are the dominant species on the planet Earth. They are intelligent primates, however they still haven’t figured out space travel yet. It was a close battle, they had an acid laser that wiped out a bunch of ships, but we ended up winning the battle. The leader of Earth was disintegrated in a misfire intended towards me, but because the weapon fired was made of light, it bounced right off of me and instead hit the ruler. Their greatest warrior, Ballester Sallone challenged me, and he was impossible to kill as he had the ability to come back from the dead, he is immortal. They sent a giant lizard to devour us, but we were able to cut through its stomach with our laser bazookas. We ate him to assert dominance, and I captured the leaders of each faction of mutants. There was a frog Galaxian, a blind Galaxian, Ballester and his brother, and a food based canine/ human hybrid. I gave them the choice of dying or working for me. Of course they were wise enough to choose to live and so I ordered them to join my men in capturing the residents of this planet. It took a couple of weeks, but I finally had enough slaves to work on the statues and monuments of me. Ballester’s son, who was a Galaxian/human hybrid was the main scientist. I made him experiment on his own people from both sides of his lineage. He reluctantly followed orders, but I had received wind that there was a conspiracy to overthrow me, so I had Ballester’s wife and son killed, while I kept him in a constant state of life and death in a repeating cycle. Those screams you are hearing are his. His brother and the blind Galaxian escaped using their powers, but they were promptly located and executed. I made the frog and the canine fight each other, but they refused, so I sent one of my men to antagonize them so they had no choice but to attack each other. The frog defeated the canine, and I used the frog to milk him of his poison, which, when ingested causes hallucinations and euphoria. He has a special suit that converts that poison into acid which I had hidden from him. I didn’t destroy it in case I needed it. That day finally came two days ago when a giant, mechanical creature called a Ching showed up and started chewing on my people as if they were gum. Apparently, this mechanical creature has the same weaknesses we do. A couple shots from my laser bazooka was all it took to take it down. Then, things started to go downhill. We came across an invincible version that was immune to all of our attacks, and it devoured so many of my men that I’m ashamed. It seems the only one that can defeat it was the Ultimate Ruler that ended up dying on the first day of our invasion. It seems that it was programmed to only go after our DNA, it left the slaves alone. So now, I’m here, in the lab, recording my official record. By the time you receive this transmission, I will most likely be dead. Either by the mechanical creature known as Ching, or an insurrection involving the slaves, as they greatly outnumber us. I apologize for my failure to conquer the planet, and hope my successor will be able to finish the job. This is former leader Zimzax, signing off, end recording.” 

“Yes sir.” Brains responds. 

“Should I surrender to the Ching?” 

“That would be inadvisable, sir. It would devour you in minutes.” 

“Yes, but I’ve failed in my mission.” 

“your men still need a leader.” 

“That’s true, and I can’t have them sacrifice themselves if I’m just gonna die anyway.” 

“I advise you wait it out.” 

“Alright, I’ll try.” 

“You don’t have a choice.” 

“I could end my own life, but where does that leave my men? Ripe for picking as the new slaves of this planet.” 

“This planet also needs a new leader.” 

“Correct. If I could figure out how to defeat the ching-” 

“You cannot.” 

“Then what am I supposed to do?” 

“Speak to lord Scorpious.” 

“Who?” 

“The God of this universe.” 

“There is no God of the universe.” 

“There is, but he is currently incapacitated, which is why you’re able to do the damage you’ve done to the planet and its residents.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Yes sir.” I’m just going to go back to bed, maybe I’ll be lucky and die in my sleep. No dice, I woke up and things were the same: my guys were at the shooting range, slaves were leaving, and the Ching was still outside. 

“How do I contact Scorpious?” 

“You just talk to him.” 

“Scorpious? Are you up there?” There is no response. “Why didn’t he answer?” 

“Perhaps upon the death of Serge, the link was severed.” 

“Great, a lot of good that does me.” 

“Sir, it seems one of your men is trying to fight the Ching. He is losing terribly.” 

“How terribly?” 

“He’s already in the mouth being ground upon, making the Ching even bigger.” 

“Attention, remaining Zorkons, do not attempt to fight the Ching, you will lose. Stay in the facility until I can figure this out.” I can’t believe I have to tell them not to be idiots, I thought I trained them better than that. Now our problem is getting bigger because some dumbass decided to be a moron and tried to be a hero. I’m really at a loss here, for the first time I don’t know what to do. Protocol usually dictates that I appoint a new leader and kill myself, but there is not enough men under my command for that to happen. They’re already going rogue, but that will just lead to their deaths. 

“Sir?” One of my men comes up to me. 

“Yes, Commander?” 

“The rest of us have been talking, and we were wondering why you hadn’t killed yourself and let one of us take over.” 

“There’s not enough of you to do anything. Whoever takes my place will still be in the same situation as me... unless you have an idea?” 

“No, I’m sorry sir. Forget I brought it up.” 

“I see one of you tried to be a hero.” 

“That was Zamzar, he thought he could kill it with a sneak attack with a laser. We tried to stop him, but you saw what happened.” 

“I did, I don’t want to see that kind of thing anymore, do you understand?” 

“Yes sir, I’ll tell the others.” 

“Good.” 

“And sir?” 

“Yes, commander?” 

“Did you record and transmit your final log?” 

“Yes, yes I did.” 

“So there’s a chance that the reinforcements will come and help us?” 

“Yes, but I won’t be alive for it. I’d rather go out on my own terms than be executed by the Guard.” 

“Understood, sir. How are you going to spend your last week?” 

“Probably holed up in here. When the ships land, I’ll sacrifice myself to the Ching, and you will be under my replacement’s command.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Anything else?” 

“No sir.” 

“Dismissed.” 

“Yes sir.” He leaves. Well, I guess I’ve decided how this is going to play out. I went from being a ruthless leader to a coward hiding away until his inevitable death. I hope not, but this is probably how I’ll be remembered. Maybe if I stage a fight and get killed, I might be seen as a hero of sorts.  Either way, this will be my last week alive, so I should probably make my death count. Out of nowhere, I see a blinding light outside. Me and my men rush outside to see what it was, and the Ching is a pile of ash. The frog, leading the slaves, points his hands at me. 

“Surrender or die.” The frog says. 

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” I ask. He fires his acid, killing a few of my guys. 

“Surrender...or die.” he repeats. 

“I’m not surrendering to you or anyone.” He kills off a few more of my guys. Damn, my numbers are even lower than before. 

“I guess you’ll die then.” The frog says, as he wipes out commander after commander with his acid. The slaves start throwing glass containers full of acid at us, killing even more of my guys. 

“Go ahead, kill me, I don’t care anymore.” 

“With pleasure.” I hear ballester’s voice say as I feel an intense burning in my chest- 

“Finish off the rest of them.” Ballester says. 

“Hey, dad.” Oigres says to me. 

“Son! I saw you go into the Grinder, how are you alive?” 

“I guess I inherited your power.” 

“Have you seen your brother around? Maybe he’s alive, too.” 

“Sorry, dad. We checked, he’s nowhere to be found.” Oigres says, crestfallen. 

“Who’s ‘we’?” 

“Oh, me and !” I take my goggles out of my pocket and put them on. Oh, there he is. 

“So, I guess I have ! to thank for getting me off the wall?” 

“Correct.” 

“Well, thanks, !” 

“No problem.” ! Answers. 

“So, you guys have been out here this whole time?” 

“Yeah.” Oigres answers. “It hurt just sitting around watching people get rounded up, but I couldn’t risk exposure. Luckily, I had some Corrodium grenades in my room, so when I came to, I took them with me just in case I ran into any of Zimzax’s goons.” 

“Yeah, well, it sucked having to round people up.” I tell Oigres. “So, what happened?” 

“Well, I was gonna use a grenade or two on Zimzax, and hopefully his men would surrender. But then, ! found me. It was easier for him to hide since he’s invisible. 

“He killed Serge!” 

“That was an accident, we didn’t know his light beam would just rebound off Zimzax’s skin like that.” 

“Yeah, well, thanks to that, we haven’t been able to get ahold of Scorpious.” 

“Because of the connection?” 

“Yeah, and now I’m stuck narrating our story.” 

“Well, it’s not like we planned for that.” 

“What did you plan on?” 

“Rescuing everyone, but we couldn’t do it alone. Luckily, we came across the Chings and sent them out here to keep those guys busy. It took a few days, but they obviously got here.” 

“They didn’t have a problem with the first one, but the second one made them retreat into the lab.” Manboutu says. 

“Yeah, we knew one of them had to be the invincible one, so we sent both just in case.” Oigres says. 

“So, how’d you defeat it?” 

“Well, the invincible Ching did have one weakness, it was made from non reflective metal which means the only thing that could kill it was !’s light beam. We had to make sure they were all in one place before we could make our move, though. I handed out some grenades to the citizens closest to the lab, and ! used his power to take out the Ching. When they all rushed out here, we had our standoff, and ! went in to rescue you.” 

“Nice!” 

“Manboutu helped coordinate the attack, he waited until he had enough acid saved up to take out all these guys. I hid behind the Ching and out of the camera’s way so it looked like Manboutu was talking to the Ching, when he was actually talking to us.” 

“Well, in the few moments of consciousness I kept getting, he looked pretty defeated after that Ching decimated most of his remaining men.” 

“So now that they’re all dead, I guess that means we’re through with this invasion?” 

“Nope, within the week, there will be another invasion of Zorkons, so we need to figure out a way to kill them again.” Manboutu says. 

“I can modify Alfredo’s genes to spit acid.” Oigres says. 

“Alfredo was killed and eaten.” I tell him. “So unless you can make a new Alfredo, we’re going to have to think of something else.” 

“Actually, I can. I can genetically create a new Alfredo using whatever is left of him, and I think I’ll use the Zorkon DNA to reinforce his scales so he doesn’t get killed as easily.” 

“An acid spitting, fire breathing, metallic Alfredo? Sounds pretty badass.” 

“Don’t worry, dad. We’ll be readier for them this time. All right, people, let’s get to work! Manboutu, save up as much acid as you can. I’ll get to work on Alfredo, dad, use mom’s recipe for Corrodium grenades and make as many as you can. As for the rest of you, begin combat training.” Oigres says to the crowd. “We’re gonna wipe them out like they were nothing this time around.”