Chapter XXIX: The Second War

Chapter XXIX: The Second War 

Hey, Ballester Sallone here. It’s been a few days since we started preparing for the invasion. Gorgon and Nogal are back at their old positions, people have been returned to their homes, and Alfredo is back to life. I guess Serge figured out the bug in the cloning machine before he died. We held a funeral for Ruzal, Gorgax, Arizona, Serge, Chimmy, and Hallester. I didn’t think it would affect me, but I bawled like a baby. We also held a mass funeral for the other people that died during the first war. I went to the lab to check on Oigres’ progress. “Hey, dad.” Oigres says. 

“How’s it going with Alfredo?” 

“Cloning him was the easy part, and so were the modifications, it’s training him that’s taking up so much time. The other Alfredo was trained by Serge, so I didn’t have to worry about it, but I didn’t realize how hard it is.” 

“So, how are you doing it?” 

“I show him images of the enemy, and images of the friendlies. I help him differentiate between the two, but he still hasn’t quite gotten it yet.” 

“Will you have him ready by the time of the invasion?” 

“Oh, definitely.” 

“I hope so.” 

“Dad?” 

“What’s up?” 

“I wanna clone Ruzal and mom, I want them back.” 

“They won’t have the same memories, they’ll be blank slates, remember my clone? They won’t be the same.” 

“I know, I just... miss them so much.” 

“So do I, bud. But while we may be able to convince Ruzal’s clone that he is your brother and my son, there’s no guarantee that your mother will fall in love with me again, she might think it’s a trick or something.” 

“Fine.” 

“Besides, you have work to do, you can’t take on multiple experiments at once, you’re not Serge.” 

“But I know almost everything he knows, I’m his protege, remember?” 

“Alright, look, we’ll deal with this upcoming invasion first, and then we’ll talk about it as a family, ok? You still have two siblings with their own opinions too.” 

“Yeah, alright.” 

“So, other than training him, how’s he doing with the modifications?” 

“Well, his acid and fire were strong enough to melt the corpses of the Zorkons, so it should work on the invaders, and I modified the Zorkon DNA to be a non reflective metal, so he’s basically like the invincible Ching, so even if he gets shot with laser bazookas from the outside or inside, it won’t affect him at all. If he eats them, they will die instantly.” 

“Good, those fuckers have it coming.” 

“Did you need something?” 

“I was just checking on your progress.” 

“Ok.” 

“Shame what they did to Eyes.” 

“Yeah, but his brain activity boosted the intelligence of the other two brains, and since he can see in all directions, so can I on the monitors. I don’t agree with what Zimzax did, but it’s effective, I’ll give him that.” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t mention bringing your uncle back.” 

“Meh, I could take him or leave him, besides, Ruzal was his favorite anyway.” 

“If it helps, I don’t have a favorite kid, you each have your own unique abilities.” 

“Every parent has to say that.” 

“Well, it’s true. You’re smart, your sister is compassionate, and your brother is a tactical genius. Ruzal is like me, and I hate myself, but I don’t hate him. Weird, huh?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Alfredo, pick up Ballester.” Alfredo reaches down, and picks me up. He bites my head off, and I wake up in my room. I go back to the lab. “Damn, he’s still not understanding.” 

“It’s all right, we still have a few days left.” 

“I know, it’s just frustrating me, I just want him fully trained already.” 

“Keep at it, I’m sure you’ll get it, you’re a genius after all.” 

“Thanks, dad.” 

“No problem, I’m going to get back to making grenades.” 

“Alright, see ya later, dad.” 

“See ya.” A few days later, the day finally came. The ground shook like it did last time, and we were as ready as can be. I handed grenades to the small army we had, Manboutu suited up, and me? Well, I grabbed a laser bazooka because that s**t is powerful. Oigres had Alfredo trained just in time, which is good, because I was tired of having my head bitten off. The main ship’s door opens, and out comes a Zorkon. 

“I am Xixax, leader of the Zorkons! We have received Zimzax’s message, and I am here to take over where he left off! Bow to us, slaves!” I blow up one of their ships with a couple of shots from my bazooka. “Where did you get that? And where is Zimzax’s remaining army?” he says angrily. 

“Oh, they’re sleeping, permanently.” I tell him. 

“There is no way you defeated the entire army.” 

“Then why are you here?” 

“Good point.” He shoots me in the head, and I wake up in my room. I grab a few Corrodium grenades on my way out, and go back to where I was standing. “Didn’t I just kill you?” 

“You did, it only hurts for a second, I promise.” I walk up to him, and shove the grenade in his a*s. He starts to dissolve. 

“What? I can’t-” he turns into a puddle of goop. 

“I’m giving the rest of you the chance to surrender.” At the word ‘surrender’, they start charging us, so my army starts throwing grenades, and Manboutu starts shooting his acid. We clearly have the upper hand this time. In fact, we only lost about ten guys total before they stopped attacking us. 

“I am Zimzar, new leader, and we surrender.” 

“That’s great to hear, you know, because I have a friend who’s really hungry.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

“Alfredo!” Alfredo scoops up a bunch of Zorkons and eats them. 

“You fool, we can cut right through his stomach.” 

“Nah, we genetically modified him to resist your weapons. Right now, your men are being digested.” 

“Impossible!” 

“No, not impossible. You see, we studied your weapons and physiology. We were even readier for this attack than we were for the last one.” 

“We’ve never been defeated before when it comes to conquering a planet.” 

“So I’ve heard. Guess there’s a first time for everything.” Alfredo scoops another bunch and eats them. “If you leave now, you can leave with dignity.” 

“We cannot leave, for if we return home, we will surely be executed for our failure.” 

“So, that leaves you with two choices: you can surrender and become citizens of our planet, or Alfredo will eat the rest of you.” 

“We would rather die than cohabitate with you on this freezing cold planet.” 

“Freezing cold? It’s 95 degrees out, I’m making ball soup over here.” 

“Our coldest temperature on our planet is one hundred twenty degrees.” 

“Then this planet ain’t for you. Your scientists have already figured out that you can’t modify this planet to suit your needs without it ending up destroyed after a few hundred years. So why don’t you all go in your little ships and fly home? Or settle on Mercury? It’s nice and hot over there. It lacks Earth’s atmosphere, so you may have to dome it to live there, but at least you won’t have to worry about being executed by your government or wiped out by us.” 

“What inhabits this planet...Mercury?” 

“Nothing as far as we know.” 

“Unacceptable. We can only take over planets that have life.” 

“Well, that just makes things easier, now don’t it?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I didn’t feel like dealing with you in the future anyway. Alfredo!” Alfredo grabs the remaining Zorkons, including the leader, and eats them. I turn to Manboutu. “Didn’t seem like much of a war this time, more like a battle.” 

“Yeah, it was so much easier than last time.” Manboutu replies. 

“Since we didn’t destroy all the ships this time, maybe we can check out their technology and see what we can do with it.” I go back to the lab, and tell Oigres the good news. 

“I know, I saw, that was quick and painless!” Oigres says. 

“I want you to check out their ships and their technology, see what we could do with it.” 

“Hell yeah, I was hoping to take a look at that, I was disappointed that the other ships were destroyed.” 

“Good job, son. Your help with Alfredo really helped us win, I’m not sure we would have won without him.” 

“Eh, I think we would have, it would have just taken longer.” 

“Well, I’m glad we don’t have to find out. Come on, let’s check their ships out.” We leave the lab, and head for the leader’s ship. When we board, there are cages with alien animals that we’ve never seen before. “This is their food supply, they release the animals from the cages, and hunt, kill, and eat them.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I was pinned to the wall of the lab while that a*****e was in control, I heard basically everything.” 

“Check this out.” He points to a screen with their native language on it. 

“Do you know what it says?” 

“According to my translator, it’s basically instructions on how to target our planet’s core in the case of failure to conquer.” 

“Then it’s a good thing we wrapped things up quickly. God, it’s hot in here?” 

“You think so? I’m just a little warm. But you’re warm blooded, so their temperature is probably blistering for you.” 

“Yeah, I thought it was hot outside, but f**k it’s hot in here.” 

“I’ll try to find the environmental controls.” 

“Nah, it’s alright, you have time to do that. For now, I’m going to send a message to their home planet.” 

“What are you going to say? You’re not going to do something like tease them that we won, are you? Cause they’ll just send more and more if you provoke them.” 

“Good catch, I was planning on bragging for a bit, but you’re right. I’ll just tell them that we defeated them and not to send anyone else or we’ll do the same.” 

“Well, we defeated two of their armies, so hopefully they’ll get the hint.” 

“I sure hope so, son.” I record my message, leave the ship, and head back home, where I spark a blunt, and fall asleep. It’s been a good day.