Chapter XXXIII: Absolute NonsenseA Chapter by Scorpious AlphaChapter XXXIII: Absolute Nonsense Ballester is jerking off a pig one day, when suddenly, he explodes. “Well, I guess that’s what I get for being horny for ham!” He says as he s***s on the floor. Manboutu runs by and slips on it. “Ow, my eyes!” Manboutu says. “Which ones, the front or the back?” “Your mom.” “I fucked your mom last night.” “I know, so did I!” They both laugh as they start fisting a horse. “This is fun!” Hallester shows up and starts sucking Ballester’s dick. “That’s great!” Ballester explodes again. Manboutu starts punching Hallester in the face and the nuts, while Hallester dies from it. Manboutu decides to pay Chimmy a visit and starts eating his hot dog. “Yeah, eat that hot doggy!” Chimmy says, as he’s being devoured. Ballester shows up because of magic and cuts Hallester’s head off. “Yay! I win the prize!” Ballester says, as he pisses in Chimmy’s face. “Oh yeah, that’s nice, I love golden showers!” “Well, maybe you’d like this!” Ballester stabs him and licks the ketchup off the knife. Blue farts in the wind says no. Arizona shows off her b***s, but because Galaxians are flat chested, there’s really nothing there. I wish I could drink my own eyes, but it’s impossible. So, I decided to do what anyone would do, and I threw my eyes in the trash, and left my brains on the floor. This is stupid, you’re stupid, I’m stupid, we’re all stupid. Ballester farts in Arizona’s mouth, but she likes it. Gorgax sees this and farts in Ballester’s face, and he eats it, because he loves farts. Yeah, that’s right, I said Ballester loves farts, what’s he gonna do about it? Nothing, that’s what! If you’re thinking to yourself, “what is this garbage?” I warned you that this chapter was full of absolute nonsense. After taking the plot a little too seriously, I decided to let my brain fart. Is it canon? I don’t know, maybe, maybe not. All I know, is that Ballester is peeing in his own mouth. And no, I’m not drunk, or high, or anything, this is my brain just farting out words and stuff. It’s funny to me, even if it’s not funny to you. I warned you at the very beginning things would get weird occasionally. So, anyway, while Ballester is getting nailed by Manboutu, he’s eating Plops’ s**t off the ground, even though Plops really doesn’t s**t, for this particular instance he does. It’s super stinky and smelly and even the most rotten garbage smells minty fresh in comparison. When Ballester finishes it, he takes a plastic bag, and puts it over his head, takes his belt, chokes himself, and then hangs himself. The end. Just kidding. “I hate myself!” Ballester says as he takes a knife and slashes his arms open. Gorgax drinks the blood pouring out. He kicks her in the face, and dies. Gorgax makes out with Manboutu before he poisons her. Tripping balls, she takes her clothes off and runs into the lake, where Plops eats her. A flying cow passes by before it explodes into bacon. “I’m choking, help!” Arizona yells. Ballester kicks her in the stomach, and a baby Plops comes out. Scott comes by and eats it, before he falls apart into pieces. Chimmy walks by and eats the pieces of Scott. “I love you, baby.” He says, as he makes out with Arizona. Piss starts raining from the sky while a dog gives birth to kittens. Serge runs out of the lab, and blows his brains out. Everyone just laughs, cause it’s funny. Pregnant strippers show up and give birth to birds. I don’t know what I’m writing because it’s stupid and I don’t care. Ballester is licking cum off the dirty floor because I’m God and I can make anyone in my story do whatever I want, no matter how abhorrent. Know what? F**k it, all of my main characters get together and f**k in an orgy, because why the f**k not? “Why are you doing this to us?” Ballester yells up to me. “Because I control your lives, you know this.” I reply. “What if your god did things to you that you don’t like? Things that would scar you for life?” “My god doesn’t exist, and if he did, he did a great job f*****g my life up, because all I’ve ever done was good, and what do I get instead? S**t on. Now that I control your lives, I’m taking it out on you.” “Dude, that’s fucked up.” “Do something about it.” “F**k you.” “I love you too.” “How can you say that, when you do all this fucked up s**t?” “Because I love all of my characters, even the ones I kill.” “That doesn’t make any sense.” “That’s how religion works, buddy, my god says the same thing. He supposedly loves us but allows terrible, horrific things to happen to us.” “So why don’t you be a better god?” “I am! I gave you immortality, and the rest of your friends got super powers.” “And?” “We don’t have that in my realm, in my realm, life is how it was before Stupid Serge over there ended the world.” “Yo, f**k you!” Serge yells at me. “Know what? Just for that...” I take his mouth off and throw it in the garbage. “Mmmmfmmmfm” He tries to speak, but he has no mouth. “Now do you understand?” “I guess...” Ballester says. “Now go back to licking that pig’s a*****e.” “Yes, master.” Ballester goes and licks the pig’s a*s while fondling its balls. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you next chapter.” “You’d better.” He pukes. Hahahaha, I’m such an a*****e. Hallester on the other hand, takes out his eyes and eats them. He cuts off his ears and eats them too. He cuts off his nose, eats it, cuts off his legs and eats them. Finally, he cuts off his arm and eats it. Autocannibalism is funny when it’s a cartoon. Remember? They’re not real people, they’re just comic strip characters. So everything here is done for comedy’s sake. Now, if these were real people, that’d be a different story. Like, if I had this kind of material in the SSS trilogy trilogy, it’d be more fucked up, because they’re supposed to be realistic people. These aren’t real people, they’re cartoons, so that’s why I have Ballester shitting into his own mouth while Hallester watches and jerks off. Yeah, I know it’s his brother, but that’s what makes it funny. “Hey baby, I love you.” Hallester says to Chimmy. They make out and it would be beautiful if Chimmy wasn’t a male hot dog dog. But hey, who’s in charge here? That’s right, me. Woah, now would you look at that? Plops is sucking Shitbag’s c**k. That’s sweet, they’re cute together, don’t you think so? They’re both abominations getting to know each other intimately. No, there’s no real plot to this chapter, like I said, I’m just letting my brain fart. If you’ve stayed around for this long, good for you, some people wouldn’t have the stomach. I just felt like I was taking the story too seriously, and that wasn’t my goal. What’s crazy is the twist at the end of the chapter that you may or may not see coming. Speaking of coming, Arizona is eating out Gorgax, who’s coming, and coming hard too, just squirting everywhere, drenching everyone within a twenty foot radius, like a fire hydrant on a hot summer day. “Hey, you guys aren’t supposed to be doing that, that’s bad!” says Big Mouthed Joe. Who’s Big Mouthed Joe?? He’s a guy with a giant mouth disproportionate to the rest of his face, and he’s a snitch. Why hasn’t he been mentioned before? Cause I just made him up right now, that’s why. Anyway... “And what are you going to do about it?” Ballester asks him. “I’m gonna tell Serge on you!” “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try.” Ballester says as he s***s in Big Mouth Joe’s open mouth. Eww, he ate it, too! Big Mouth Joe tries to run away, but Ballester shoots him in the back, and decapitates him. He shoves his head on a pike, and builds a bonfire around it. The crew dances around it ritualistically, chanting nonsense. When the head is cooked, they take turns eating it. Of course, Scott is having sex with the dead body, because that’s what he does. Ching comes by and eats them both in one gulp, and continues on its way. “See, this is why I don’t like you, you’re a pig raping s**t eater. He says to Scott as he’s being devoured. Gorgax shoves her fist up Ballester’s a*s, and pulls out his colon, and wraps his neck with his intestine, and hangs him. “This is fun!” Gorgax says. “Yeah it is!” Ballester says, as he’s getting sucked off by Hallester. “Bro, what are you doing?” “This is correct.” Hallester says. Ballester dies as soon as he comes. Then, they get bats with nails in them and start beating Ballester’s body like a piñata. His body breaks into pieces, and he f***s a duck. The duck explodes. Shitbag comes by, and Hallester takes the whole package in his mouth, and he explodes when Shitbag comes. B***s! Nobody has b***s, the aliens don’t have b***s, the guys don’t have b***s, and there hasn’t been any human female characters yet, so that’s why it’s the way it is. Actually... b***s start raining from the sky, massive, milky, veiny b***s falls from the sky hitting everyone in the head. Man, if I could get knocked unconscious from getting smacked by a giant t***y, I wouldn’t mind. The closest there is to b***s are Gorgax’s massive pecs, but she ain’t got no n*****s cause amphibians don’t have n*****s. They’re called mammaries for a reason, cause only mammals have n*****s to feed their young. There, you just learned something, and you’re not even in school. Or maybe you are. In that case, shame on you and go back to your studies. For the rest of you, wait till you see what I got coming up next, I’m hoping it’ll be a good arc. Yeah, it might seem like I’m just rambling, and I kind of am. So anyway, everyone is swimming in a sea of b***s, naked b***s. Gorgax of course is a little jealous, because now that she knows what human males like, she feels inadequate, since her pecs are about an A cup at the most, and Ballester is hugging the H cups like they’re his mommy’s. This episode brought to you by our sponsors: Mommy Milk, the only flavored breast milk on the market! Sergi-O's, the cereal officially endorsed by the Ultimate Ruler Serge, now with 15% more THC! And finally, Corn Co., the only corn company run by Gorgon, the Corn Dealer! Buy Corn!�'� You’re listening to 98.9 KRZ, the craziest radio station where we don’t give a f**k, since the FCC was disbanded after the world ended! Now, you remember this 1989 hit from Kronyx State, ‘Drugs Are Better Than Family’! Unfortunately, the song was interrupted by a loud buzzing noise, waking Ballester and Gorgax. “Jesus f**k, is it time to get up already?” Ballester says. “Unfortunately, we gotta get ready for our mission.” Gorgax says. “That was a hell of a dream I had, I have some serious problems.” “Tell me about it.” “I wouldn’t even tell a therapist the s**t I saw in my dream.” “That bad?” “Are you ok with your chest?” “Yeah, why?” “Because implants are a thing...” “You don’t like the size of them?” “Just forget I said anything. Let’s go before Serge complains that we’re late.” “Fine, but we’re not done talking about this.” “S**t.”
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Scorpious AlphaSomewherein, PAAboutI'm a writer who works on thrillers and sci-fi comedy. I have a series of three series, Imperfect Perfection, Parasitic Psychosis, and Unbalanced Electrical Storm finished, Deluxe Editions available .. more.. |
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